In an attempt to impress his newest crush, local pianist Seth Gingler was found playing Coldplay’s ‘Clocks’ in the Wilkinson Student Center Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately for Gingler, he was only able to muster a weird look from Tiffany Johnston, a junior majoring in communications from Peoria, Illinois. “I totally thought this was gonna work,” said Gingler. “I know Tiff gets out of church at one … Continue reading Local Student’s Rendition of ‘Clocks’ on Wilk Piano Not Enough to Woo Love Interest

In late October, BYU announced that it would be increasing its enrollment cap by about 1.5% per year for the next six years. In response to concerns raised over how the massive student influx will be accommodated, BYU has released some of its plans to deal with these logistics. BYU Housing has stepped up immediately by doubling the required dorm capacities in On-Campus Housing facilities. … Continue reading BYU Housing Halves Dorm Sizes, Plans Further Measures in Response to Enrollment Increase

It’s Halloween on campus, and that means that everyone will be wearing a costume while completing their regular activities, like learning about finance and preparing for the adult world. To help support this beloved tradition, BYU administration announced that students will have the opportunity to participate in a Halloween parade. Participants will line up by class and visit the other classes to show off their … Continue reading Wearing Your Costume on Campus? BYU Announces New Halloween Parade and Other Festive Traditions Usually Reserved for 5-Year-Olds

After the opening of the BYU Milk and Cookie bar was a great success, BYU administration has announced that the bar will serve purposes other than serving food. “We understand that some BYU students will not have a normal college experience, which would include going to bars. We decided to provide them with a pseudo-bar experience so they can relate to their non-Latter-day Saint peers … Continue reading BYU Milk and Cookie Bar Introduces Cover Charge, Bouncer, ID Policy to Help Students Understand the ‘Real Bar’ Experience

Rumors have been flying all week after an ear-piercing siren was heard from the ASB on Monday. According to the Honor Code office, student honor dipped below the “righteousness threshold” this week, triggering alarms in all administrative offices. Honor Code officials have recognized the primary cause for low virtue levels among students— a recent trend of complete disregard for chastity lines in BYU-approved housing.  Luckily … Continue reading Honor Code Office Proposes Implanting Students with ‘Taser Chip’ to Prevent Chastity Line Infractions