Are you frantically trying to put your schedule together for next semester? Are you frantically trying to get married? BYU can solve both of your biggest fears with the following five courses. Enjoy! The Eternal Family Learning outcomes include a guilty feeling for not already being married. While the professor is lecturing on the importance of the law of chastity, you can peruse the roll … Continue reading BYU Adds Five New Classes That Are Guaranteed To Get You Married

After months of rumors, sources at Brigham Young University have confided in The Alternate Universe that everything is okay. Despite how things may seem, it looks like things are actually going pretty well at BYU. With summer turning into fall, temperatures have dropped to a comfortable range for all students, whether they happen to be from Arizona or Alaska. Add that to the wonderful fall … Continue reading Breaking News: Everything’s Actually Okay

In an effort to decrease jaywalking across dangerous streets on campus, BYU Police announced Thursday that they had replaced a sign telling students to wait for the “walk” indication with one that explicitly tells drivers to run over pedestrians. The sign was placed on West Campus Drive, notorious for its long crosswalk and frequency of more than 11 cars per hour speeding by. “It’s time … Continue reading Drivers Encouraged to Run Over Campus Pedestrians in Anti-Jaywalking Campaign

Honor on BYU campus has hit an all-time low according to campus officials and they have called upon the only department on campus they trust to help: the Testing Center. Testing officials made the shocking announcement this morning that they are hiring TSA agents to increase security and honor campus-wide. New security checkpoints are going to be set up for screening outside of the testing … Continue reading BYU Testing Center Hires TSA to Increase Honor

In a move designed to “avoid the appearance of evil,” Bradley LeBaron, executive director of student health services, held a press conference Tuesday morning announcing that Hydro Flask water bottles would no longer be permitted on BYU premises. The stainless steel bottles are incredibly popular on campus, recognizable by their bright colors and sticker-filled exteriors. Students were notified of the change via an emergency YMessage. … Continue reading Brigham Young University Bans All Hydro Flasks