Category: Featured

Campus, Featured

Poor, Poor Kevin: No One Looked for President Worthen’s Easter Eggs

It has been four days since Easter Sunday and President Kevin J. Worthen has reported, with sadness, that the Easter eggs he hid have still not been found. “I understand it’s a stressful time being the end of the semester and all, but I expected at least a few students to participate in the festivities,” commented the disappointed President Worthen. Worthen reportedly filled a “solid … Continue reading Poor, Poor Kevin: No One Looked for President Worthen’s Easter Eggs

Carmen Sandeigo
Featured, General Conference

Antarctica Scientists Enraged at Lack of Representation at General Conference

In the Sunday Morning session of General Conference, people from around the world spoke on a variety of topics. It was mentioned that talks had been given by speakers “from every inhabited continent.” All three scientists in Antarctica who are members of the Church were outraged at the lack of representation. Jaxson McHale, a glaciologist from Payson stationed at the Ross Ice Shelf, said, “They … Continue reading Antarctica Scientists Enraged at Lack of Representation at General Conference

Cameron Frye
Featured, News

Conference Highlight: 9% Tithing for the Rest of 2021

President Russell M. Nelson’s opening remarks brought hope and comfort by inspiring confidence in the gospel’s progress and announcing a surprising new policy. Highlights from the session include a surprising announcement relating to tithing. President Nelson said, “During the past… months, a global pandemic, raging wildfires, and other natural disasters have turned our world upside down… I pray for all who are currently suffering”, before … Continue reading Conference Highlight: 9% Tithing for the Rest of 2021

Carmen Sandeigo
Featured, General Conference, News

Church Announces Saturday Session of Conference will be Casual Dress

The Rumors are true: the Quorum of the Twelve and the First Presidency are dressing down for Saturday’s sessions of General Conference. “Casual Saturday”, something that hasn’t happened in 95 years, will allow for a more relaxed dress code than the regular suit and tie apparel.  Stories have been circulating about what inspired the change in attire. Apparently, in the Brethren’s heated game of Sunday … Continue reading Church Announces Saturday Session of Conference will be Casual Dress

Lisa Simpson
Featured, General Conference, News

Nickelodeon Purchases Streaming Rights for General Conference, Speakers to be Slimed after talks, Spongebob’s Band to Perform Between Sessions

From NFL Playoff games to international religious conferences, Nickelodeon has been really expanding its programming horizons. Like many of their former child actors, Nickelodeon has begun rebranding and attempting to seem more mature than they actually are. Reports have recently been released that the 191st Annual General Conference will be shown exclusively on Nickelodeon.  In this surprising turn of events, The Church of Jesus Christ … Continue reading Nickelodeon Purchases Streaming Rights for General Conference, Speakers to be Slimed after talks, Spongebob’s Band to Perform Between Sessions

Bobby Zimmeruski