Trending: Get Points for Completely Ignoring Carbon-Based Lifeforms with This Groundbreaking App

Students from all over have been flooding the App Store this morning to download a revolutionary new game which promises to reward its users for completely ignoring any surrounding carbon-based lifeforms. Critics are already praising “ScreenFocus” as one of the defining apps of our generation, and a multi-million user fan base seems to agree. The app’s premise is a simple one. Tapping the bland app … Continue reading Trending: Get Points for Completely Ignoring Carbon-Based Lifeforms with This Groundbreaking App

BYU Student Scans Calorie Content to Decide if Mindlessly Eating All 8 Servings on Accident Will Cause Major Health Problems

With textbooks strewn all over her desk and laptop open in preparation for what most certainly will be a strenuous biology study session, Carly Jones took a few seconds’ pause to quickly scan the nutritional facts of her jumbo bag of Doritos and make sure that mindlessly consuming all servings in a single sitting wouldn’t cause her major health problems. After several seconds of number … Continue reading BYU Student Scans Calorie Content to Decide if Mindlessly Eating All 8 Servings on Accident Will Cause Major Health Problems

Apartment Tense as Third Day of No One Buying New Toilet Paper Drags On

“Hey, looks like we’re still out of toilet paper.” John Caster, Sophomore, laughed offhandedly to his roommates last Friday after emerging from the bathroom. While appearing cool and collected on the outside, John is reportedly only one more emergency bathroom visit away from breaking down. Our sources confirm that apartment #347 of King Henry is now in its third day of no one buying new … Continue reading Apartment Tense as Third Day of No One Buying New Toilet Paper Drags On

BYU FHE Family Uncomfortable as Jessica Questions “Parents”

BYU FHE family group 6 of the 52nd ward of the BYU YSA 4th stake had an uncomfortable weekly meeting this past Monday as family member Jessica began questioning her FHE Mom and Dad.   “So Mom, how did you and Dad meet? Was it, like, love at first sight or did you date a ton first before getting married?” “Did it take you a … Continue reading BYU FHE Family Uncomfortable as Jessica Questions “Parents”

Three: 8 Date Ideas For You, Your More Popular Friend and His/Her Date

Having a hard time finding a date? Don’t let that keep you out of the dating scene! There are all sorts of fun things you can do together with your more attractive, socially outgoing friends and the people that they’re dating. After reading this, you will never have a real excuse to be doing nothing on a Friday night ever again. If water sports are … Continue reading Three: 8 Date Ideas For You, Your More Popular Friend and His/Her Date