Category: Life

Life

Woman Moving Out of the Village Looks Back, Turns to Pillar of Salt

On Thursday, a woman fell victim to the unholy temple that is the Village. Identified only as “Logan’s wife”, she was moving to King Henry after years of living at the Village. Right before turning the corner onto 700 E, she looked back at the complex. In fact, she looked back with longing. With a bright flash of light and an heavenly crash, she was … Continue reading Woman Moving Out of the Village Looks Back, Turns to Pillar of Salt

Macho Man Randy Savage
Life, News

New Study Shows Modesty Outlets Outnumber Mental Health Facilities in Utah

Utah- a state ranked 50th in access to mental health care and a population full of mentally ill people. But at least they’re all wearing square neck, puffy sleeve, knee-length floral dresses! A recent study shows that modesty outlets have officially outnumbered mental health facilities in Utah, a reflection in how maybe retail therapy is the real cure. We sat down with researcher and mental … Continue reading New Study Shows Modesty Outlets Outnumber Mental Health Facilities in Utah

Sue Sylvester
Campus, Disney, Grayscale, Life, News

Honor Code Office Bans Barbie Movies

The all-powerful, historically Orwellian Honor Code Office held a meeting to counsel with each other about additional censorship. An administrator suggested 21st century Disney movies because of the apparent drama, and one committee member offhandedly complained about his granddaughter’s obsession with Barbie movies. He said that he was “appalled” to see such monstrosities as rainbows, glitter, and dancing animals. So, the committee decided to watch … Continue reading Honor Code Office Bans Barbie Movies

Renesmee
Life

Polygamist forced to take two more wives due to inflation

The recent economic downturn has affected many people in many ways. Jefferson Warrenson from Hurricane, UT needed to take two more wives in addition to the five he already had. He may increase the number if things get worse. “The value of assets just isn’t the same anymore,” said Warrenson. “I’ve felt it in the supermarket and at the pump, just like everyone else. There … Continue reading Polygamist forced to take two more wives due to inflation

Cameron Frye
Life, Provo

Five Incredible Provo Yards Managed by Incredible Landlords

Provo landlords are famously incredible at taking care of their properties and tenants, and what better day to celebrate our amazing landlords than on national landlord appreciation day? Show your landlord your appreciation this year by not putting extra stress on them by asking for your security deposit back when your contract ends in a few weeks. 🙂 We at the Alt U have complied … Continue reading Five Incredible Provo Yards Managed by Incredible Landlords

Carmen Sandeigo