A certain disease is plaguing our campus. What is it, you say? The NCMO. Our youth (who are somehow of adult age) are at a terrible risk of getting NCMOed. Here is the complete, comprehensive guide to avoiding the dreaded NCMO. #1 Talk solely about your mission, especially if your date didn’t serve one. #2 Wear Trump merch and play rap music. Or wear Bernie … Continue reading How to Avoid a NCMO
This week, BYU administration became aware of a new trend sweeping the nation. Everyone is talking about “marinating” and how they do it all the time. The practice began at BYU and quickly spread to other universities. Sophomore Brigham Braxton and his friends started doing it at Lake Powell over Labor Day weekend, and figured they could do it at BYU, too. “I just thought … Continue reading “Marinating”: The new sensation that’s sweeping the nation
A long time skeptic of modern miracles, BYU sophomore Sophie Roberts was hesitant to believe any holy influence involving anything from car keys to inexplicable medical recoveries. She never directly accused others of fabricating their stories, but silently carried her belief that they were doing it for attention. Before the start of the Fall 2021 semester, Sophie moved into apartment 144 of her building and … Continue reading “Park to Damascus” – Student is Forever Changed By Not Having Her Car Towed
The joy on President Nelson’s face shone as he announced the newly-planned temples. The brethren held a poll with the question, “Which temples are you most excited for?” The top five responses were Pyongyang, Jerusalem, Salt Lake City Center Temple Center Temple, Independence, and Wakanda. The Zoom chat went wild with people cheering. “YAAAAAAAY!” “Finally!” “Wakanda forever!” Isaac Newsome, a BYU student studying theater, remarked, … Continue reading Church Announces New Temples
Picture it: a quant Utah McMansion. Inside, David Archuleta and Lindsey Stirling record themselves doing the latest TikTok trend in the foyer. Above them on the balcony, Cosmo the Cougar performs continual backflips on Instagram live. Next to him, Hank Smith drafts his latest batch of tweets. In the property’s music studio, the hottest members of Vocal Point threaten the release of a new album. … Continue reading Holy Clout: Church Creates First LDS “Hype House” in Attempt to Reach Gen Z Audience
