As we kick off 2026, your FHE crush is still completely unaware that you were an Assistant to the President on your mission, but never fear! Try these 6 tips to win her heart without losing the aloof persona you’ve spent all semester crafting. Consistently bring up how much time you spent in the office: This can be done as you do your marketing homework … Continue reading Self Help: How To Discreetly Tell Her That You Were AP
President Oaks recently touted the sister missionary age requirement change as “part of the Lord’s plan to overcome the tendency of waiting until the late 20s to have a first marriage.” In light of this guidance, the Missionary Department has added a section to the mission leaders’ handbook, titled “Matchmaking in Missionary Life”. Relevant excerpts have been included below. “Mission presidents may use discretion to … Continue reading Mission Presidents’ Handbook Updated to Include Matchmaking Protocols
The District is known for its entertaining depiction of missionary training videos. The show claims to be a fully real documentary of missionaries in the California San Diego Mission working with investigators. We at the Alternate Universe were curious about what happened to these investigators and decided to reach out. Viewers remember Jynx for her shock at learning of the Word of Wisdom (“NO COFFEE?”) … Continue reading The District: Where Are They Now?
In what is being referred to as “an act of divine intervention,” a prospective missionary from Budge Hall was struck by lightning moments after ignoring the introductory paragraphs of his mission call. Brockson Thornton, 18, was caught up in the fervor of twenty other young men opening their calls in the Budge lobby of Tuesday night. “It was awesome at first,” remarked Thornton’s roommate, Brad … Continue reading Student Skips Mission Call Intro, Immediately Gets Smote
Today, Elder Michael McMasterson of the Australia Melbourne Mission admitted that he started reading the New Testament for the first time earlier this week. In an email he wrote: “I never knew this, but the New Testament is actually fire. Jesus and Paul really be saying a lot of dope stuff.” McMastersons’ parents, Donny and Mary, are both elated and disappointed: “He’s 20-years-old and we … Continue reading Missionary Realizes New Testament is Actually Fire
