Category: News

Featured, Life, News, Provo

Wymount Terrace Revealed to be Thriving Swinger Community

“Everyone knows the Law of Chastity doesn’t apply anymore once you get married!” said Bambeigh Kymbul as she told her friend Jariqua about what she and her husband had been up to. Bambeigh thought that Jariqua might be interested in participating in a swing session with her and her husband.  Bambeigh was unfortunately mistaken. Following that conversation, Jariqua immediately reported Bambeigh and her husband Matayeaux … Continue reading Wymount Terrace Revealed to be Thriving Swinger Community

Kayteigh Leigh
Featured, Life, News

Tabernacle Choir Performs Coachella Day Three

They couldn’t believe it, but they wouldn’t not love it. Who’s “they?” We’re just the news, who’s for us to say? But in this case, the crowd in question was none other than the indie impersonators and intoxicated influencers of the infamous Coachella. And what they couldn’t believe was the ever-impressing ensemble of The Tabernacle Choir performing on the festival’s third day. “And on the … Continue reading Tabernacle Choir Performs Coachella Day Three

Sue Sylvester
Featured, Life, News, Uncategorized

Breaking: Worst Person You Know Just Got Engaged

Against all supposed odds, the worst person you have ever met just got engaged to the love of their life. There really is someone for everyone—except maybe someone single, pleasant, and normal like you. In an exclusive interview with The Worst Person You Know, The Alternate Universe was able to get an idea of their future plans. “My insufferable fiance and I are excited to … Continue reading Breaking: Worst Person You Know Just Got Engaged

Lisa Simpson
Life, News

Golden Plates Found In Melting Utah Snowpack

Weather experts and politicians have been warning Utahns about the nearly 200% snowpack this year. Emergency preparation has already begun for the soon-to-come street floods. However, it turns out that water isn’t the only thing coming out of the melting snow. Thanks to one brave hiker on the Y Mountain, we now know of the location of the Golden Plates. Barry McBussentyre claims he was … Continue reading Golden Plates Found In Melting Utah Snowpack

Kayteigh Leigh
Campus, Featured, Life, News

God announces He prefers to be thanked for “the rain” rather than “the moisture”

With the beehive state and many others facing drought conditions of increasing seriousness, local leaders and general authorities alike have encouraged the members in their stakes to pray for rain. Somehow during this invitation for supplications of precipitation, a large portion of members got the idea that rather than use the word “rain” to describe what they wish to receive, they should instead say “moisture.” … Continue reading God announces He prefers to be thanked for “the rain” rather than “the moisture”

George Beard