BREAKING: BYU Creamery Recalls Batch of Unblessed Ice Cream

Feb 28, 2019- To the surprise of many, the Creamery on 9th has officially announced a recall of over 50 gallons of unblessed Graham Canyon ice cream.  “We diligently pray over all of our products before they are made available to the public. In the event that this doesn’t happen, we feel it is our responsibility to make sure people are given ample warning.” comments … Continue reading BREAKING: BYU Creamery Recalls Batch of Unblessed Ice Cream

Learning Suite Creators Post Permanent “We’re Sorry” Message on Login Page

After years of unsuccessfully wrestling with the code of BYU’s most feared and hated website, the creators of Learning Suite have posted a straightforward, permanent apology on the login page. The message (a low-res “we’re sorry” followed by a pre-emoji-era frowny face) was designed to constantly beg the forgiveness of the thousands of BYU students who have ever used their course management software. Although it … Continue reading Learning Suite Creators Post Permanent “We’re Sorry” Message on Login Page

Local Student Confident He Will Recognize Correct Answer if Ballot is Multiple Choice

Tired of cramming for today’s midterm elections, local BYU student Michael Kap is calling it quits, confident that if the ballot is multiple choice he’ll recognize the correct answer right away when he sees it in the voting booth. “If there’s just going to be a series of bubbles and all the potential answers are listed next to them, I’m honestly not too worried about … Continue reading Local Student Confident He Will Recognize Correct Answer if Ballot is Multiple Choice

Ten Million Free Donuts Make Cougar Cash World’s Hottest Crypto Currency Overnight

When tasked with convincing students to invest in Cougar Cash not long ago, a team of distinguished BYU staff and faculty waged the entirety of their allocated budget on one wild gamble: 10,576,744 completely unimpressive, unashamedly store-bought, underwhelmingly-glazed donuts. After donating a few of their lunch breaks, putting on ties, setting up a simple table in the WILK and giving out over ten million cheap … Continue reading Ten Million Free Donuts Make Cougar Cash World’s Hottest Crypto Currency Overnight

“It’s Either Colbie or Me” – Desperate Archuleta Urges Nation to Text In Votes During BYU Spectacular

Less than 24 hours away from the kick off of BYU’s Homecoming Spectacular Concert, American Idol runner-up David Archuleta is pleading with fans throughout the country to text in their votes during the celebration. David, still tormented by his second place finish 10 years ago, is determined to finally earn the title of American Idol in a concert featuring both he and Grammy award-winning, multiplatinum-selling … Continue reading “It’s Either Colbie or Me” – Desperate Archuleta Urges Nation to Text In Votes During BYU Spectacular