Category: Uncategorized

Featured, Provo, Uncategorized

BYU-Contracted Housing Now Requires One Priesthood Holder In Each Household

Have you ever been sitting in your home and wished you felt a little more secure? While this is a relatable feeling for many young adults, it’s a common reality for single women at BYU. Many long for the protective power that a priesthood holder would bring to the apartment, but are denied this blessing due to their gender.  This fall, policies have changed to … Continue reading BYU-Contracted Housing Now Requires One Priesthood Holder In Each Household

Kayteigh Leigh
Uncategorized

BREAKING: Cosmo the Cougar Elected Pope Cosmus II

Late on Thursday afternoon, blue smoke billowed from the chimney vent above the Vatican, breaking with centuries of the traditional black-or-white coloring. The crowds eagerly waiting in St. Peter’s Square were unsure how to react: some erupted in cheers, some broke down in tears, and many just scratched their heads in pure confusion. Onlookers around the Sistine Chapel waited on tenterhooks to see what this … Continue reading BREAKING: Cosmo the Cougar Elected Pope Cosmus II

Kit Kittredge
Featured, Uncategorized

New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

In an effort to preserve BYU greatness, our new BYUSA president has swiftly enacted a comprehensive list of executive decisions to take effect immediately. Take a look: Reducing the radical cost of vending machine sandwiches The chicken bacon ranch ciabatta will now cost only 50 cents Securing the border between UVU and BYU campus The border will be strengthened to prevent the flow of progressive … Continue reading New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

Kim Possible
Campus, Featured, Uncategorized

Choose2Give Campaign Resorts to Vigilantism

After receiving less donations than expected this year, the Choose2Give campaign has hired a masked figure to secure sufficient funds for students in need. These funds are reportedly being procured through the attacking of random students and redistributing the loot to other random students. “He’s like a broken Robin Hood that steals from the poor to give to the poor,” says economics major Nataleigh Bryant. … Continue reading Choose2Give Campaign Resorts to Vigilantism

Marceline Abadeer
Featured, Uncategorized

Wilkinson Center Sushi Turning Students Gay

In a shocking turn of events, several students have claimed that the sushi served in the Wilkinson Center has had unexpected effects on their identities. While the science behind this phenomenon is still unknown, it appears that consuming the sushi has been reported to “turn students gay.” What dish specifically? To nobody’s surprise, the California Roll. “I was just grabbing lunch before my Book of … Continue reading Wilkinson Center Sushi Turning Students Gay

Milo Aukerman