Tag: Featured

News

New CDC Data Reveals Only 6% Of Egyptians Actually Died From Moses’ 10 Plagues

After reviewing some data in their spare time, officials at the Center for Disease Control have revealed some interesting results. According to the data and announcement, it seems as though most Egyptians had other preexisting conditions when afflicted by Moses’ 10 plagues. Most Egyptian citizens suffered from things like dysentery, tuberculosis and cholera in addition to locusts, boils, and the Angel of Death. CDC officials … Continue reading New CDC Data Reveals Only 6% Of Egyptians Actually Died From Moses’ 10 Plagues

Liz Lemon
WAP Clean Version
Life

Local Stake Dance DJ Makes “Clean” Version of Cardi B’s WAP That is 41 Seconds Long

Terrance Drake grew up in Sandy, Utah. In his youth, he wanted to be a famous DJ. Unfortunately, life had different plans; so, Terrance lives his dream vicariously by being a DJ for local stake and ward dances. “It’s really fun,” said Terrance in a 2019 interview, “I pride myself on my ability to bring today’s best songs to our youth appropriately.” Terrance is known … Continue reading Local Stake Dance DJ Makes “Clean” Version of Cardi B’s WAP That is 41 Seconds Long

James West
Life

Inspired by Success of Changes in Mulan Remake, Dreamworks Releases Live Action “Prince of Egypt” Movie with no God

Disney and Dreamworks fans alike can look forward to another reenvisioned childhood classic that they physically can’t stop themselves from watching. Dreamworks spokesperson Cameron Burns said on the topic, “We figured if Mulan can get rid of a beloved character like Mushu and still charge $30 for a movie, that it’s just anything goes now.” Burns added, “In this political climate, having such a controversial … Continue reading Inspired by Success of Changes in Mulan Remake, Dreamworks Releases Live Action “Prince of Egypt” Movie with no God

Albert Camus
Sports

BYU to Take Custody of Nation’s Aircraft Carriers, Battleships

After several days of heated deliberation, officials in Washington have decided to replace the United States Navy with the BYU football team. This comes on the heels of the 55-3 drubbing BYU dished out on national television on Monday. When asked, Grand Admiral Kevin Worthen seemed optimistic about this development saying ” This is a great opportunity for BYU to expand our control beyond Utah … Continue reading BYU to Take Custody of Nation’s Aircraft Carriers, Battleships

Donald Cherry
News

Provo insists bad air quality is a government hoax

The air quality in Utah was thought to have gotten worse from recent fires, but Provo residents insist on the idea that the poor air quality is simply another hoax, much like COVID-19. “We all know that social distancing doesn’t do anything,” said Jared Wright, a BYU student studying environmental science. “The reason why the air was thought to be bad was because the government … Continue reading Provo insists bad air quality is a government hoax

Gail Black