Tag: News

Disney, Featured, News

You Can Go to Disneyland for Free to Celebrate President Nelson’s Birthday!

This is so freaking awesome! I’m so excited to go to Disneyland!! Holy freaking cow!!! Just pull up to the pearly gates of Disneyland during P-Nelly’s birthday month and whisper the secret code BDAYBOY101 to the attendant, and you’ll receive free entry for the day! “Can you believe this!? Freaking Disneyland, baby!!” commented Elder Uchtdorf when asked how the cost would be covered. So what … Continue reading You Can Go to Disneyland for Free to Celebrate President Nelson’s Birthday!

Don Cheadle
Featured, Life, News

Prophetic Counsel In Response to Current Events Regarding Plastic Surgery and Cosmetic Procedures

We learned it in Primary, and have followed it ever since: “Your body is a temple. Treat it as such.” But in an ever-changing world, what does that really mean? Recent notice of Utah being the plastic surgery capital of the States has brought further attention to the conflict between Church teachings and Utahn actions. In response, Elder Bednar, current member of the Quorum of … Continue reading Prophetic Counsel In Response to Current Events Regarding Plastic Surgery and Cosmetic Procedures

Kayteigh Leigh
Featured, News

First Presidency Investigation Concludes There is No ‘Sealed Portion’ of the Book of Mormon

In an unexpected development, the First Presidency has released a statement saying that the sealed portion of the Book of Mormon doesn’t actually exist, contradicting several of Moroni’s writings. “It’s sitting on my desk right now to review,” wrote Moroni in the book of Ether. However, the First Presidency has seemingly contradicted Moroni’s claim, going so far as to release Official Declaration 3 to explain … Continue reading First Presidency Investigation Concludes There is No ‘Sealed Portion’ of the Book of Mormon

Don Cheadle
Featured, Life, News

BYU Store Employee Under HCO Investigation After Launching “June Month” Clothing Line

  The Honor Code Office has placed the latest line of BYU merch on hold as they investigate its designer, an intern left to his own devices. Here’s what you’re missing out on in the meantime. Needless to say, students are outraged that the clothing is not currently available for purchase. There are rumors that bootleg versions may soon arrive on the market instead. Continue reading BYU Store Employee Under HCO Investigation After Launching “June Month” Clothing Line

Don Cheadle
Campus, Featured, News

Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

The CougarEat was thrown into chaos last week when religious studies major Gordon Jacobsen unexpectedly began flipping tables and attempting to “cast out” the employees of Chick-Fil-A and other establishments. “To defile the Lord’s campus in such a way is nothing short of an affront to God,” said Jacobsen. “Jesus overthrew the seats of those who overcharge for doves in Matthew 21:12. Those who overcharge … Continue reading Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

Basil Fawlty