When President Russell M. Nelson of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced that members would join together in a “Hosanna Shout” during the Sunday morning session of General Conference, people around the world rushed to find something white and clean they could wave for the ceremony.

After hearing reports of families unpacking their massive supplies of toilet paper for the occasion, Church representatives have issued a statement against the practice.

“Listen to the prophet. He said clean white handkerchief or just your hand. What is wrong with you people.” said Church spokesperson Ronald Barry, visibly distressed.

The Church has also come out against using any number of other white cloths including wedding dresses, curtains, scarfs, and especially “wife beaters”. Member have been for the most part understanding but still are largely clueless as to where they can obtain a white handkerchief at this time.