Following the bombshell Congressional hearings on UFOs last week, reports have surfaced of prospective missionaries receiving interstellar calls to serve. The first to receive such a commission has been confirmed to be Charley Burningham, of Castle Rock, Colorado. Charley’s bishop, Joshua Brady, was unsurprised by the news.

“Charley has always been a unique boy,” said Bishop Brady. “Growing up, his favorite scripture was Facsimile Two in the Book of Abraham, so he’ll do quite well out there.”

“I was worried about how he would get there,” said Sariah Burnhingham, Charley’s mother, “but apparently the Church has access to some kind of seer stone powered superconductor engine that makes lightyears of travel go by ‘in the twinkling of an eye.’”

Church spokesman Eric Hawkins confirmed this, saying “LK-99, cold fusion, nothing is anywhere close to the power of these Thoughts and Prayers engines. How else do you think Moroni was able to get to the Kolob system and back so fast?”

Charley’s concerns were of a similar practical nature as his mother’s.

“How will language study even work? Their written language is like if Morse Code had a seizure.”

As Charley goes forth to serve, the question remains: will the gospel be spread to all four corners of the Universe?

Perhaps only time will tell.