In an unpredicted turn of events, instead of returning to Earth as planned, the crew of the Artemis II ended up at Kolob, the star-planet from Mormon cosmology. NASA reassured the public to “not worry” and that “they’ll be back in the twinkling of an eye.”

We had the unique opportunity to get on a call with the lost crew and interview them about their experience. The pilot, Victor Glover, regretfully said this:

“This is the last time I use Apple Maps.”

Jeremy Hansen, mission specialist, had his attention on another subject.

“Hey, Microsoft Outlook is working again!”

Christina Koch, the first woman to ever go to the Moon, was focused on another matter entirely.

“How is there a Crumbl here?”

Apparently, NASA did not see fit to inform their astronauts about the value of franchising. Check back in here, at your most reliable news source, for more updates on the situation.