Author: Kim Possible

Provo

BYU men claim Provo stache posesses mystical powers

For years, scholars have debated the motive behind BYU’s male dress and grooming standards. Recently, mustached men have confirmed speculations about the mystical power that exudes from their facial hair. Walking across our beloved BYU campus, you might notice a man with impressive whiskers pass by. This mustached man will be one of many to cross your path. What is the source of this phenomenon, … Continue reading BYU men claim Provo stache posesses mystical powers

Kim Possible
Featured, Life

Student film major distraught after relief society lesson did not pass the Bechdel test

After attending second hour on Sunday, Enya Erinberg, a junior in the BYU media arts program, was shocked that the Relief Society discussion did not align with progressive Hollywood values. In a defiant rage, Erinberg stated, “The only topic of conversation was Jesus and President Nelson. You’d think that a room full of women could find something better to do than gossip about men.” Although … Continue reading Student film major distraught after relief society lesson did not pass the Bechdel test

Kim Possible
Campus, Featured

Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

The poll of 34,737 BYU adults found that 100% do not want to take your survey. As the end of the semester approaches, distraught students have shared their thoughts on the matter. “I don’t understand why no one will take my psychometrics survey,” Steven Shnarvey stated perplexedly. “It’s only 180 questions and will literally take 2 minutes!!” While some students struggle with the quantity of … Continue reading Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

Kim Possible2 Comments
Featured

BYU Student Health Center Accused of Egregious Human Experimentation

The allegations are innumerable. With multiple disturbing accounts of strange student behavior occurring on campus, Provo residents are starting to suspect that the Student Health Center is to blame. “I heard they are testing mind-control drugs that can induce supernatural powers. The name of the experiment is something like “Project BY-Ultra.” stated Brison Weiss, a true crime enthusiast. Rumor has it that the student health … Continue reading BYU Student Health Center Accused of Egregious Human Experimentation

Kim Possible1 Comment
Featured, Uncategorized

New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

In an effort to preserve BYU greatness, our new BYUSA president has swiftly enacted a comprehensive list of executive decisions to take effect immediately. Take a look: Reducing the radical cost of vending machine sandwiches The chicken bacon ranch ciabatta will now cost only 50 cents Securing the border between UVU and BYU campus The border will be strengthened to prevent the flow of progressive … Continue reading New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

Kim Possible