Category: Campus

Campus, Featured

“Cocaine Cougar” Sells Out Varsity Theater Second Night in a Row

The G-Rated, LDS version of the highly anticipated “Cocaine Bear” introduces a cautionary tale about choosing the right. All in moderation. Amongst few, unemployed LDS historians, a hot debate takes place on the origins of The First Vision. Those like David Deserat believe the dark power that overwhelmed Joseph Smith seconds before the first vision was none other than a wild cougar, dressed in the … Continue reading “Cocaine Cougar” Sells Out Varsity Theater Second Night in a Row

Sue Sylvester
Campus, News

Controversial: BYU Professor Obeys Christ’s “Yea, yea; Nay, nay” Command

When reading Matthew 5:37 this week, “But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil,” BYU Professor Ryan Farrell realized he could use his Computer Science training to fulfill the Savior’s command. So he has begun lecturing his CS 393 class entirely in a series of “yeas and nays” in computer binary, where “yea” = 1 … Continue reading Controversial: BYU Professor Obeys Christ’s “Yea, yea; Nay, nay” Command

Kayteigh Leigh
Campus, Featured, Life, News, Provo

Newly Discovered Joseph Smith Prophecy Accurately Predicts Entire MCU

In Doctrine and Covenants section 87, Joseph Smith accurately predicted the coming Civil War, 30 years before it began. This was not enough to convince his doubters of his prophetic calling. Well, let’s see them try to explain this. While demolishing the HFAC, construction worker Tim Devon discovered a box underneath a granite slab. In the box was discovered a 50 page prophecy, accurately and … Continue reading Newly Discovered Joseph Smith Prophecy Accurately Predicts Entire MCU

Macho Man Randy Savage
Campus, News

After Days Adrift Over Helaman Halls, Honor Code Office Spy Balloon Has Been Deflated

President Kevin Worthen was briefed on the balloon on Monday morning. He was leaning toward taking down the balloon, the Daily Universe reported, but according to U.S. Pentagon officials, the risk to civilians on the Helaman Halls grounds was too high. President Worthen was cautioned against the move to shoot the balloon and instead was advised to continue to monitor the situation. “Just a training … Continue reading After Days Adrift Over Helaman Halls, Honor Code Office Spy Balloon Has Been Deflated

Sue Sylvester
Campus

WILK Chick-Fil-A Kiosk Wins Student Employee of the Year

America is a beautiful place. In this country, you can order shower curtains with your dog’s face on them. People are inserting microchips into their brains. The government is watching us at all times as we willingly teach social media apps how to manipulate us. Some say that technological advancements have done too far. But I would guarantee that these people have never ordered homophobic … Continue reading WILK Chick-Fil-A Kiosk Wins Student Employee of the Year

Bobby Zimmeruski