Category: Campus

Campus, Featured, Life, Provo

The Devil Went Down To Provo: Provo Man Wins Piano Contest Against Satan

On Friday, construction workers found an ancient poem while working in the HFAC. The ode, etched onto a stone tablet, is written in Old English and appears to date back to the 20th century. Professor Filastus Dogberry, an expert in ancient languages, was able to translate the epic poem after many hours of study. The following translation was sent by Professor Dogberry to the Alternate … Continue reading The Devil Went Down To Provo: Provo Man Wins Piano Contest Against Satan

Macho Man Randy Savage
Campus, Life

BYU Freshman Tries Mint Brownie, Dubs It “Too Spicy”

Instagram blurbs: “I took one bite of the brownie, and next thing I know, my mouth is on fire… I thought I was going to return to Kolob right then and there” -Dallin Smith, Caucasian Instagram blurbs: “This is truly one of the most pathetic things I have ever seen” – BYU EMT, quitting soon Dallin Smith was excited to come to BYU for his … Continue reading BYU Freshman Tries Mint Brownie, Dubs It “Too Spicy”

Cody Maverick
Campus, Life, News, Sports

BYU Unveils New CougarTail, Tastes of Bitter Disappointment

For students and alumni of Brigham Young University, nothing says school spirit quite like shoving an eight-foot-long treat of sugar and dough down your gullet. The iconic maple-glazed donut known as the CougarTail has been a staple of Cougar Sports for years, whether enjoyed among friends or eaten solo over the slow course of a multi-hour game. For centuries this delectable dessert has been only … Continue reading BYU Unveils New CougarTail, Tastes of Bitter Disappointment

George Beard
Campus, Featured, Uncategorized

BYU’s Vocal Point Disbands Due to Mandatory Military Service

As news broke that the members of the boy-band BTS had been called to serve in their country’s military, millions of quirky white girls were devastated. You can only imagine the outrage when they heard that 69-time Grammy Winning Group, BYU Vocal Point, was the next to fall. “I ripped down the American flag hanging outside my parents’ third house,” Renzie Wood snapchatted The Alternate … Continue reading BYU’s Vocal Point Disbands Due to Mandatory Military Service

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured

Protestors Vandalize MOA’s “LOVE” Sculpture with Tomato Soup

On Monday morning, BYU Museum of Art workers found a horrendous sight. Two young women were glued to the wall next to the “LOVE” sculpture, which they had defaced with cans of tomato soup. Apparently, the two had vandalized the priceless work of art the previous Saturday, but everyone had been watching the football game, leaving their protest unnoticed. The two women, Blonderisa Whiteface and … Continue reading Protestors Vandalize MOA’s “LOVE” Sculpture with Tomato Soup

Macho Man Randy Savage