Category: Featured

Featured, General Conference, Uncategorized

Church Offers New Internships for Prospective Apostles

Often times when an AP returns home from their mission, they feel helpless and without purpose. Without other people to boss around all-day, these fallen brothers tend to resort to summer sales or other business internships to scratch that itch. In a recent turn of events, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has provided a way out for these lost souls. Starting this … Continue reading Church Offers New Internships for Prospective Apostles

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured

BYU Adds Lazy River to Incentivise Students to take Summer Term Classes

Every year once winter finals are finally completed, Provo becomes a ghost town. As the hot singles return to their home states to do summer sales, the lonely “6 on a good day” singles and newly weds are tasked with defending Provo like their life depends on it. “It gets pretty lonely out here,” Jeremy Bird, 5-time Provo Summer veteran, told the Alternate Universe. “All … Continue reading BYU Adds Lazy River to Incentivise Students to take Summer Term Classes

Bobby Zimmeruski
Featured, News, Uncategorized

Church Audits Students Who Don’t Pay Tithing

Through our very intense journalism efforts, The Alternate Universe discovered a surprising secret last week: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints audits BYU students who do not pay their tithing. After uncovering this secret The Alternate Universe conducted a thorough series of interviews to get to the bottom of it. Lehi Turner, head Church accountant, told us, “We just want to make sure … Continue reading Church Audits Students Who Don’t Pay Tithing

Sister Michael
Campus, Featured, Life

LeVar Burton to host surprise devotional for Reading Day

LeVar Burton, the longtime host of Reading Rainbow, is set to give a surprise devotional for all students studying on Reading Day. BYU administrators asked Burton to summarize the study guides for every class in a fifteen-hour devotional. The devotional has already begun and will go until midnight in the Marriot Center. Burton opened the devotional with, “Every major matters just as much as the … Continue reading LeVar Burton to host surprise devotional for Reading Day

Cameron Frye
Featured, Life, News, Uncategorized

Church Leaders Finally Define “Passionate Kissing”

In the For Strength of Youth pamphlet, the church directs: “before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing”. For years, this counsel has left righteous Latter-Day Saint youths and young adults scratching their heads- what qualifies as “passionate kissing”? This morning, the First Presidency released a statement clarifying the Lord’s stance on kissing before marriage. It marked the first official instruction regarding chastity within the … Continue reading Church Leaders Finally Define “Passionate Kissing”

Lisa Simpson