Elder Murray from ‘The District’ Finally Becomes a Blue Chair

Everyone’s favorite goofball from The District series, Elder Murray, finally had his lifelong dream come true. “I know I received this blessing in my life because I have been a righteous servant of the Lord,” Elder Murray said. “I can’t think a greater eternal blessing than becoming a blue chair…wait.” As all cultural missionaries know, The District is a series shown to all greenies in training … Continue reading Elder Murray from ‘The District’ Finally Becomes a Blue Chair

Oscar for Best Actor Goes to Guy Pretending to Be Interested at Wilk Booth with Free Cookies

The votes are in. The 94th Academy Awards has named “the guy feigning interest at the Wilk booth in order to get a free cookie” the best actor of 2021. An exclusive interview with this man at the Oscar’s after party revealed more about what motivated his performance. “I have 23 cents in my bank account. I have subsisted on nothing but free booth cookies … Continue reading Oscar for Best Actor Goes to Guy Pretending to Be Interested at Wilk Booth with Free Cookies

Breaking: Man-Eating Cougar Spotted on Campus, Starves to Death

Dozens of aware students exhaled a sigh of relief this afternoon as BYU Police announced that a man-eating cougar roaming on campus has officially passed away due to starvation. Security officials initially reported the numerous cougar sightings late Thursday night last week. The reports detailed a young female cougar had strayed from Y Mountain and found her way to campus. Bizarrely, BYU Police confirmed the … Continue reading Breaking: Man-Eating Cougar Spotted on Campus, Starves to Death

Man Wearing “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” Shirt Least Kissable Alive

The results of a randomized, controlled, double-blind study conducted by the BYU sociology department recently discovered that out of every type of man that exists, a man who waits all year to wear his cheeky “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” tee is in fact the least worthy of your lips alive. We all know him. He has a dell laptop and sings showtunes on his way … Continue reading Man Wearing “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” Shirt Least Kissable Alive

President Vladimir Putin Assassinated by Teancum

This morning, The Russian leader Vladimir Putin was found “dead in his mansion” with a “javelin in his heart”. Some say all of heaven cheered as they looked down on the murdered man. The Alternate Universe confirmed that the assassination was in fact the work of Book of Mormon war hero Teancum. In an exclusive interview, Teancum opened up about his successful secret mission. During … Continue reading President Vladimir Putin Assassinated by Teancum