BREAKING: President Worthen Raids Daily Universe Offices

In a stunning development in the scandal some are calling “at least fifty times more important than Watergate”, BYU President Kevin Worthen raided offices used by The Daily Universe early Wednesday morning. At around 3:15 AM, President Worthen conducted the first of what promises to be many raids seeking evidence to corroborate reports of exploitation of unpaid student labor.  According to eyewitnesses, he was accompanied … Continue reading BREAKING: President Worthen Raids Daily Universe Offices

EXPOSED: ‘The Daily Universe’ Humiliating Aspiring Journalists by Forcing Them to Make Paper No One Reads

BYU’s signature news publication The Universe is in hot water this morning after news broke of a massive scandal. The organization has allegedly been exploiting unpaid student labor for more than 60 years, humiliating them on their own campus by forcing them to write a paper that no one reads. “Every Tuesday when the paper is distributed, I watch thousands of students walk by our … Continue reading EXPOSED: ‘The Daily Universe’ Humiliating Aspiring Journalists by Forcing Them to Make Paper No One Reads

Report: Ward Member Falls into Inactivity After Discovering He Has Church in the MARB

Following his absence at sacrament meeting on Sunday, Junior Gerry Lewis officially announced that he would not be attending worship services as a member of the Provo YSA 357th Ward anymore. When asked why, Lewis explained that the agony of sitting in church in the MARB each Sunday was too much for him to bear. “I mean, I was already starting to question my faith … Continue reading Report: Ward Member Falls into Inactivity After Discovering He Has Church in the MARB

Local Bishop Utilizes Mug Shots to Better Transfer New YSA Members Records

This last Sunday in the Provo one thousand and fifth ward, new members were given a slate to write their name and height on, as the Bishop of their ward, George Jorge, took mug shots in front of a marked height board. When questioned about this avant-garde method of cataloging new move-ins, Bishop Jorge informed reporters that forming a mug shot line was the most … Continue reading Local Bishop Utilizes Mug Shots to Better Transfer New YSA Members Records