BYU announces Tan France, Sean Spicer in Fall 2019 Devotional Schedule

Every Tuesday at 11:05 a.m., students, faculty and staff head to the Marriott Center for the weekly Devotional or Forum address. BYU President Kevin J. Worthen and his wife Peggy kick off the semester and are followed by members of the leadership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, BYU employees and a range of industry leaders and thinkers. Entertainment assemblies celebrating the … Continue reading BYU announces Tan France, Sean Spicer in Fall 2019 Devotional Schedule

BREAKING: BYU Cancels Fall Semester Following Holy War Loss

BYU President Kevin Worthen made a startling announcement early Friday morning, cancelling all classes previously scheduled for the Fall 2019 semester due to BYU’s 30-12 loss to the University of Utah. “We feel that our students and faculty need time to move through all stages of grief before we can seriously consider getting back to their studies.” says Worthen, “We’re trying to be sensitive to … Continue reading BREAKING: BYU Cancels Fall Semester Following Holy War Loss

Provo Transit Announces New Pogo Stick Sharing Program

Immediately following the roll-out of a new program providing rentable electric scooters in south Provo, the Provo City Transit has announced a new Pogo stick sharing service. The program, scheduled to launch in late April, will feature publicly available Pogo sticks that can be rented for a flat two dollar fee, or .1 cent per bounce. “We’re excited to bring this bold new form of … Continue reading Provo Transit Announces New Pogo Stick Sharing Program

Provo Chevron Sees Record Profits After Rebranding Gas as ‘Essential Oil’

A local Chevron gas station is reportedly making millions this week after one simple change. Since marketing their gas as “essential oil”, thousands from across the state have brought their cars in to fill up. Customers insist that the fuel will dramatically improve the quality of their lives. “Even I was surprised by how much smoother it felt driving in a car powered by this … Continue reading Provo Chevron Sees Record Profits After Rebranding Gas as ‘Essential Oil’

President Worthen Accidentally Qualifies for Second Round of Presidential Debates, Begins Attacking Joe Biden Immediately

President Worthen, who’s administration recently passed key changes to the Honor Code and created new economic opportunities through a Cougareat Wendy’s, received a surprise call from the DNC this afternoon. Having accidentally met the required polling threshold to qualify for the second round of democratic primary debates, BYU’s President is expected to join the other candidates on-stage tomorrow night. Worthen immediately began lashing out at … Continue reading President Worthen Accidentally Qualifies for Second Round of Presidential Debates, Begins Attacking Joe Biden Immediately