In a shocking turn of events, several students have claimed that the sushi served in the Wilkinson Center has had unexpected effects on their identities. While the science behind this phenomenon is still unknown, it appears that consuming the sushi has been reported to “turn students gay.” What dish specifically? To nobody’s surprise, the California Roll. “I was just grabbing lunch before my Book of … Continue reading Wilkinson Center Sushi Turning Students Gay

Due to the unfortunate heat-trapping of greenhouse gases and shrinking of ice glaciers, the church has decided that it is unethical to keep this beloved hymn in the primary hymn book. “I’m going to miss this song, however, every time I think of it now, I can’t help but imagine all the polar bears who are losing their homes as we speak,” said Sister Smith, … Continue reading “Once There Was A Snowman” Removed from the Primary Hymnbook Due to Global Warming