Category: Uncategorized

Featured, Uncategorized

Elder Cook Just Celebrated His 85th Birthday Alone

The Alternate Universe has learned that Elder Quentin L. Cook celebrated his September 8th birthday all alone, because everyone was too excited about President Nelson’s 101st birthday on the 9th. In an interview with Elder Cook, he stated, “I sent out lots of invitations, and even bought a cake, but nobody came.  At first, I thought they were hiding to surprise me, which seems like … Continue reading Elder Cook Just Celebrated His 85th Birthday Alone

Kayteigh Leigh
Campus, Featured, Uncategorized

BYU STEM Career Fair Shut Down Early Due to Mysterious Odor in Wilkinson Ballroom

Internship application season is in full swing, and many students at BYU are trying to obtain that coveted internship. Amazingly, BYU has partnered with employers from all over the country to help make that a reality for students. One such event for that process was held today – the STEM Career Fair.  All seemed well at the fair, until students started arriving in droves. Employers … Continue reading BYU STEM Career Fair Shut Down Early Due to Mysterious Odor in Wilkinson Ballroom

Kayteigh Leigh
Uncategorized

Swift, Kelce Engagement Sign of the Second Coming

For many years, members of the Church have endeavored to identify specific signs heralding the Second Coming, from lunar eclipses to unexpected earthquakes. Today, a major event occurred as specified in scripture: the engagement of Taylor Alison Swift and Travis Michael Kelce. This event is listed specifically in the standard works as a signal that the Millennium is at hand. See the following passages: Matthew … Continue reading Swift, Kelce Engagement Sign of the Second Coming

Kit Kittredge
Uncategorized

What to do on Game Days if You Didn’t Get a ROC Pass

You got screwed over. The BYU ticketing system failed you. Now you’re stuck in your apartment—alone, bitter, and friendless while the student section goes wild. Fortunately, we’ve compiled a list of things you can do instead. Paraglide Into the Stadium with Cosmo A 100% free, 100% foolproof way to sneak into the student section. Hold a Strike Outside LaVell Edwards Stadium Between the drumline, 3rd … Continue reading What to do on Game Days if You Didn’t Get a ROC Pass

Kim Possible