Tag: Campus

Campus, Featured, News

BYU Benson Building to be Renamed the “Benson Boone” Building 

A mystical, magical moment in BYU history, the Benson building will be renamed in the singer’s honor to celebrate his new album. Driving down I-15, there are several billboards advertising Benson Boone’s upcoming American Heart Tour. What drivers may not have noticed, however, is the fine print at the bottom of the billboard, which says, “BYU Benson Boone Building coming soon.”  Just yesterday, BYU announced … Continue reading BYU Benson Building to be Renamed the “Benson Boone” Building 

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Campus, Featured, News

BREAKING: Helaman Halls Literacy Rates Reach Record High of 25%

In the spirit of Reading Day, a handful of Helaman Halls residents have finally overcome their bibliophobia and learned to read and write. “I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am,” said Reed A. Booke, the 25th percent, unprompted. The fact remains that the majority of Helaman residents will not be participating in the campus-wide holiday. “That’s what the … Continue reading BREAKING: Helaman Halls Literacy Rates Reach Record High of 25%

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Campus, Featured

Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

The poll of 34,737 BYU adults found that 100% do not want to take your survey. As the end of the semester approaches, distraught students have shared their thoughts on the matter. “I don’t understand why no one will take my psychometrics survey,” Steven Shnarvey stated perplexedly. “It’s only 180 questions and will literally take 2 minutes!!” While some students struggle with the quantity of … Continue reading Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

Kim Possible2 Comments
Campus, Featured, News

BYU Implements New ‘COUG’ Agency to Reduce Spending

BYU’s new COUG Agency (also known as the ‘Cutting Out Useless Garbage’ Agency) has an initiative aimed at reducing the completely unnecessary and stupid things wasting BYU’s budget. Here are the top 4 cuts that you need to know about. Defunding the BYU Department of Education BYU will be cutting funding to their entire Department of Education, as professors may be more motivated to teach … Continue reading BYU Implements New ‘COUG’ Agency to Reduce Spending

Milo Aukerman
Campus, Featured, News

Student Filibusters Class with Record-Breaking 50-minute Opening Prayer

Filled with righteous indignation and overcome by the spirit of the Lord, Carrie Brooker said the longest opening prayer ever recorded on BYU campus, leaving no time for class. “If Cory Booker can do it for 25 hours, surely I can make a stand for my fellow students,” Brooker stated. The astounding 50-minute prayer included the phrase “we’re thankful for this day” at least ten … Continue reading Student Filibusters Class with Record-Breaking 50-minute Opening Prayer

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