BYU: Theft Feb. 25 — A student’s innocence was reported stolen after attending an introductory biology class. Feb. 27 — The cryogenically frozen body of Wilford Woodruff was stolen from the Testing Center. Vandalism March 3 — Lipstick marks were found covering the Chief Massasoit statue. Suspicious Feb. 26 — A food science major was seen entering the Cannon Center. Animal problem March 2 — A report … Continue reading Police Beat: Feb. 28-March 7
After a week of 60-degree sunshine, Provo residents believed that winter was over and they could discard their gloves and long underwear and start playing spikeball again. Unfortunately, on Monday, Mother Nature struck with a frozen vengeance, confusing everyone. “This sucks,” says sophomore Jaxun Jackson. “I wore a t-shirt and shorts today and bam! It’s snowing. I mean, I probably would have worn that outfit … Continue reading Entire Campus Gets Duped By Mother Nature
In a controversial announcement, BYU has announced that the long-awaited replacement for the Harris Fine Arts Center was designed by a generative AI model, a first in the field of architecture. “The new Aarts Billdng represents our campus’s greatest step forward in architecture since the JKB,” a BYU spokesman said. In front of the building, a statue of former BYU President Franklin S. Harris beckons … Continue reading BYU Announces New Arts Building is Designed by AI
With recent test scores trending downward and BYU’s academic image on the line, administrators decided to see whether it would be beneficial for test-takers to swap three bites of cheese for a clean 20mg of actual amphetamines. “This will be great because I’ve always felt like I have ADHD,” said student Nero T. Pickle, who exhibits exactly 0 symptoms of ADHD. “My friends can’t take … Continue reading Testing Center Vending Machines Replace String Cheese with Adderall
The closing of a prayer at 2:50pm marks the end of another class period on BYU campus for hundreds of students, ushering them to the bus stop to board the famous BYU shuttle, The Ryde, for their trip home. Though this transportation system is famous for transporting impressive quantities of students from campus to their overpriced apartment buildings, it had not yet realized its full … Continue reading MIRACLE: BYU shuttle manages to fit 95% of student population in just one trip. Saves 33,000 students from having to walk less than 1 mile home.
