Tag: Campus

Campus, Featured, Life

The Beginner’s Guide to Avoiding Your Ex on Campus

New school year, new you–and new mortifyingly awkward encounters with your former lovers. Because avoidance is more effective than therapy, take some time to organize your escape plan.   Stick to Buildings Where Your Ex Definitely Won’t Be. Hang around highbrow sanctuaries such as the MOA or the Kennedy Center, where only enlightened souls roam—not people who still owe you closure. Wear a Disguise While … Continue reading The Beginner’s Guide to Avoiding Your Ex on Campus

Kim Possible
Campus, Featured, News

BYU Benson Building to be Renamed the “Benson Boone” Building 

A mystical, magical moment in BYU history, the Benson building will be renamed in the singer’s honor to celebrate his new album. Driving down I-15, there are several billboards advertising Benson Boone’s upcoming American Heart Tour. What drivers may not have noticed, however, is the fine print at the bottom of the billboard, which says, “BYU Benson Boone Building coming soon.”  Just yesterday, BYU announced … Continue reading BYU Benson Building to be Renamed the “Benson Boone” Building 

Swedish Chef
Campus, Featured, News

BREAKING: Helaman Halls Literacy Rates Reach Record High of 25%

In the spirit of Reading Day, a handful of Helaman Halls residents have finally overcome their bibliophobia and learned to read and write. “I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am,” said Reed A. Booke, the 25th percent, unprompted. The fact remains that the majority of Helaman residents will not be participating in the campus-wide holiday. “That’s what the … Continue reading BREAKING: Helaman Halls Literacy Rates Reach Record High of 25%

Don Cheadle1 Comment
Campus, Featured

Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

The poll of 34,737 BYU adults found that 100% do not want to take your survey. As the end of the semester approaches, distraught students have shared their thoughts on the matter. “I don’t understand why no one will take my psychometrics survey,” Steven Shnarvey stated perplexedly. “It’s only 180 questions and will literally take 2 minutes!!” While some students struggle with the quantity of … Continue reading Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

Kim Possible2 Comments
Campus, Featured, News

BYU Implements New ‘COUG’ Agency to Reduce Spending

BYU’s new COUG Agency (also known as the ‘Cutting Out Useless Garbage’ Agency) has an initiative aimed at reducing the completely unnecessary and stupid things wasting BYU’s budget. Here are the top 4 cuts that you need to know about. Defunding the BYU Department of Education BYU will be cutting funding to their entire Department of Education, as professors may be more motivated to teach … Continue reading BYU Implements New ‘COUG’ Agency to Reduce Spending

Milo Aukerman