In an effort to promote greater health and worthiness among the local student body, the BYU Store has announced a new product available: Spirit Rings. These will provide students with valuable information about their heart rate, sleep patterns, and testimony strength, among other statistics. 

Spirit Rings CEO, John Aura, said that the rings offer more in depth information than just a few health stats. 

“These rings are the embodiment of spiritual accountability. Their ability to measure heart rate and skin temperature can detect when someone is even considering sinning. It has a built-in curfew mode, vibrates when someone is feeling the Spirit in church, and can sync up directly with the Honor Code Office’s servers.”

The Honor Code Office is optimistic that these new rings will offer an unprecedented level of compliance within the student body, allegedly aiming for a 100% worthiness rating. 

Students have reported improved decision making due to the Spirit Ring’s innovative predictive decision-making and calendar sync technologies. 

Kaeyleigh Carson, a junior studying Life Science, said, “The Spirit Ring has SAVED me. Anytime I have been tempted to reach for a Starbucks iced latte or a low-cut top, the Spirit Ring somehow weighs down my hand like it’s full of concrete! It’s like it knows what I’m thinking and guides my decisions to be in line with the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It even heats up when I haven’t been to the temple in more than two weeks.”