Since you’ve all been slacking with your ministering sisters, it’s time to step it up. Here are some pointers that the church handbook recommends to “minister to the one” and enter the celestial kingdom as a big bad boy boss.
- Deliver Baked Goods.
Attempt to make your own cookies, give up, and buy cookies from Walmart to put on a plate. Those Lofthouse sugar cookies are pretty good. - Send Encouraging Text Messages.
Encourage her to keep her commitments and remind her that she is a child of God. - Put Your Arm Around Her
Minister to her by putting your arms up on the couch to “stretch.” Slowly lower them until they are resting on her shoulder. If her body tenses up, this is your sign to grab her other hand as well so she feels better.
- Caress Her to Sleep
Read scriptures from the Isaiah chapters until she gets really tired. Subtly run your hand through her hair and pull her in closer until she falls asleep on your chest. If anyone walks into the room, pretend that you are praying.
- Kiss Her Softly
Offer a closing prayer, then pull her in for a kiss. Make it tasteful, unless the spirit guides you to do it with tongue. We can’t question revelation.