Tag: LDS

General Conference, Life, News

Big Fat Liar Claims He Watched All of General Conference at Testimony Meeting

In a grotesque display of dishonesty and pride, local man Braxton Williams claimed over the pulpit during his testimony today to have watched every speaker in General Conference. During his testimony, which lasted 20 minutes, Braxton allegedly claimed, among other things, that he “enjoyed every single speaker last weekend,” a phrase which drew audible gasps from the congregation. “I knew he was lying when he … Continue reading Big Fat Liar Claims He Watched All of General Conference at Testimony Meeting

Chuck BartowskiLeave a comment
General Conference

Solemn Assembly To Be Conducted Through iClicker Software

Citing a need to adapt to the modern technologies of the day, the Church has recently announced that rather than conducting solemn assemblies through raising of the right hand, it will now be conducted with iClicker remotes. The cost of these remotes can be deducted from tithing   Will Taylor, a self-proclaimed “finance bro” wearing a sleeveless puffer jacket, had only this to say on … Continue reading Solemn Assembly To Be Conducted Through iClicker Software

MontresorLeave a comment
Featured, News, Sports

Oklahoma State Students Show Respect For BYU By Chanting “F*** the Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!”

Athletes of Brigham Young University have long since become used to the “F*** the Mormons!” chants that have broken out during away events. But when the Oklahoma State student section broke into their chant, something was a little different this time. “I just feel so respected,” said BYU forward Scott Riggs. “It shows that they’ve really done their research so that they can hate us … Continue reading Oklahoma State Students Show Respect For BYU By Chanting “F*** the Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!”

Montresor
Campus, News

BREAKING: To Prevent Priestcraft, CES Mandates Boring Religion Classes

Priestcraft, or the practice of preaching for the sake of a following rather than for the religious message, has become an issue for professors at religious universities. In a recent policy change issued by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ Church Education System (CES), all future religion classes taught across church universities must be “really, really boring” to prevent concerns. “We love all … Continue reading BREAKING: To Prevent Priestcraft, CES Mandates Boring Religion Classes

Chuck Bartowski
Featured, Life, Provo

Wholesome: YSA Ward Chastity Lesson Gone Right

Everyone knows that fifth Sunday law of chastity lessons usually go poorly. But today, we were lucky enough to sit in on the world’s most successful one yet, led by instructor Cassidy Lessen. Lessen had the entire ward participating and asking meaningful, thought-provoking questions. For example, Sabbath Day committee member Bear Soles asked, “Does the handbook say anything about feet?” However, Lessen declined to comment … Continue reading Wholesome: YSA Ward Chastity Lesson Gone Right

Don Cheadle