Citing a need to adapt to the modern technologies of the day, the Church has recently announced that rather than conducting solemn assemblies through raising of the right hand, it will now be conducted with iClicker remotes. The cost of these remotes can be deducted from tithing

 

Will Taylor, a self-proclaimed “finance bro” wearing a sleeveless puffer jacket, had only this to say on the matter:

 

“Can the purchase of this be deducted from my taxes as a charitable donation?”

 

Following the theme of questionable financial paths, we interviewed another student, Clark Schnepf.

 

“I’m so glad I chose to spend my last $47.99 on an iClicker remote instead of groceries back in 2024! The Lord works in mysterious ways.”

 

We referred him to Taylor, hoping that somehow he would help this poor soul make better financial decisions in the future.

 

Upon further interviews, Sophia Pratt was introduced to a new idea.

 

“There’s an app?”

 

We left slowly, as she broke out into loud cursing shortly after.

 

The Church has released a follow-up statement saying that the cost of these pricey remotes may be deducted from your tithing.