Priestcraft, or the practice of preaching for the sake of a following rather than for the religious message, has become an issue for professors at religious universities. In a recent policy change issued by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ Church Education System (CES), all future religion classes taught across church universities must be “really, really boring” to prevent concerns.

“We love all of our professors, and this policy change is not targeted to any one person,” began the official press release. “But to remove all appearance of evil, we must remove all appearance of enjoyment during class.”

The policy change, beginning effective immediately, includes the following:

• All personal anecdotes are banned to prevent personal attachment to teachers.
• Every class must begin and end with long hymns such as “The Spirit of God” or “In Our Lovely Deseret” sung at funeral dirge tempo.
• Opening prayers are encouraged to last at least five minutes.
• Rather than student feedback, performance will now be measured by a “snooze score.” Professors who get at least 50% of students to fall asleep in class become eligible for a raise.

The new policy has been widely praised by both staff and students.

“I used to like attending my religion class. I knew that was a slippery slope to priestcraft,” shared Molly Young. “Now I can’t stand being in class. I’m so grateful that now I can appreciate the gospel without any worries of enjoying it.”