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Miracle! Freshman Almost Completes One Whole Assignment Without AI

Terror struck the heart of Helaman Halls Resident and self-proclaimed Brigham Delta Pi Fraternity member Duke Guywalker earlier this week when he had one whole Geography 120 assignment due Tuesday. The assignment would take the average person nearly fifteen whole minutes to complete-a timeframe too long for poor Duke. Luckily, a strategy he’s been using since the Biden administration quickly came to his mind-ChatGPT could … Continue reading Miracle! Freshman Almost Completes One Whole Assignment Without AI

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Featured, General Conference, Sports

BYU Football Just Not the Same Without Gambling

Hours after President Christofferson’s anti-gambling talk, thousands of fans feel less inclined to follow football now that there is no money in it. In the Saturday morning session of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ General Conference leader President D. Todd Christofferson gave a seminal talk about the immorality of gambling, and discouraging members from participating in any form, including sports betting. This re-emphasis … Continue reading BYU Football Just Not the Same Without Gambling

Chuck Bartowski1 Comment
Featured, News, Provo

BYU student lights mountain on fire after misunderstanding old conference talk

In the wake of the various fourth of July bush fires seen over the weekend, President Monson’s popular 2013 talk about starting a wild fire has been deemed the primary cause BYU student Bernie Burns was brought into custody early on July 6th after coming forth as the culprit of one of many fires started over the holiday weekend. The fires came as a shock … Continue reading BYU student lights mountain on fire after misunderstanding old conference talk

Frank Heffley
Featured, News

Utah County Offers Bounty Money For Helping to Bring Down Invasive Population of FSY Kids

As temperatures rise, Utah County officials are preparing measures to control the invasive populations of FSY Kids that will soon erupt at the two universities in the county. “It just destroys the local food chain, the native college students find it extremely difficult to find uncrowded feeding areas,” says local expert Tracy Mulholland. Locals expressed excitement over the potential of easy money. Utah County is … Continue reading Utah County Offers Bounty Money For Helping to Bring Down Invasive Population of FSY Kids

Montresor
General Conference, Life, News

Big Fat Liar Claims He Watched All of General Conference at Testimony Meeting

In a grotesque display of dishonesty and pride, local man Braxton Williams claimed over the pulpit during his testimony today to have watched every speaker in General Conference. During his testimony, which lasted 20 minutes, Braxton allegedly claimed, among other things, that he “enjoyed every single speaker last weekend,” a phrase which drew audible gasps from the congregation. “I knew he was lying when he … Continue reading Big Fat Liar Claims He Watched All of General Conference at Testimony Meeting

Chuck Bartowski1 Comment