Sacrament Meeting absences rose sharply this past Sunday due to the “Spring Forward” effect of Daylight Savings. Thousands of students showed up to church just in time for the second hour, much to their consternation. The back rows of several wards were filled to the brim with people who would leave as soon as the first speaker stood up.

Andrew Leavitt, a student with 5pm church, had this to say on the matter:

“There was just nothing I could do, it’s not my fault the clock got shifted back an hour.”

Another student, Audrey Winn, had a different perspective on the issue.

“I refuse to participate in this mass hysteria of time travel.”

She was unrepentant and refused to back down on her position, citing her experience growing up in Arizona as evidence.

The bishop of one ward, Bishop Gunther, took some extreme actions concerning the problem and had only this to say:

“I had no choice, I had to cancel all of their ecclesiastical endorsements. Mass absenteeism has its consequences.”

Can Brigham Young University maintain its title as “most spiritual university” or will its Idaho counterpart soon take the lead? Follow along as your most reliable news source continues reporting on the matter.