Author: Kim Possible

Campus, Featured

FSY Kid Seriously Considers Polygamy After Ending Week with Multiple COWS

At the tender age of 14, Jayden faced grave temptation after ending his camp experience with not one, but seven crushes of the week. “I’m trying not to lust after the desires of my heart, but it’s so hard–all these girls are so desirable. My prepubescent brain is so conflicted,” stated Jayden Miller, who is the proud owner of exactly three chest hairs. Throughout the … Continue reading FSY Kid Seriously Considers Polygamy After Ending Week with Multiple COWS

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Uncategorized

How To Soft Launch That You’re a Liberal

Nothing is fun without a hint of mystery or suspense. Enter the soft launch — the not-quite-official, not-quite-secret strategy of introducing a new fact about yourself. With Pride month in full swing, here are some subtle ways to show your true colors. Wear a rainbow WWJD bracelet A subtle way to flaunt your political beliefs while also reprimanding small-minded haters. You are a follower of … Continue reading How To Soft Launch That You’re a Liberal

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Featured

BREAKING: Satan Drops Brand New Streaming Service “VidDevil”

You’re sitting in your living room–feet up, popcorn in hand, prepared to enjoy a wholesome movie night with the people you love most. Before long, you realize the once family-friendly movie you all cherished has been replaced with a profane, sensual, and extremely violent alternative. Suddenly, “The Parent Trap” has new meaning.  Say hello to VidDevil, the streaming service from hell. Sometimes you want to … Continue reading BREAKING: Satan Drops Brand New Streaming Service “VidDevil”

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Provo

BYU men claim Provo stache posesses mystical powers

For years, scholars have debated the motive behind BYU’s male dress and grooming standards. Recently, mustached men have confirmed speculations about the mystical power that exudes from their facial hair. Walking across our beloved BYU campus, you might notice a man with impressive whiskers pass by. This mustached man will be one of many to cross your path. What is the source of this phenomenon, … Continue reading BYU men claim Provo stache posesses mystical powers

Kim Possible