Galentine’s Party Lasts Whole 20 Minutes Before It’s Just Women Spiraling About Singledom

Provo resident Taysom Stanton’s Galentine’s Party started at 7pm and ended at 7:20pm. Setting a new record, her party lasted a full 20 minutes before devolving into nothing more than women commiserating about singledom. The short-lived cheer proved that $100 worth of pink decor is no match for a room full of 20 women who can’t remember the last time they’ve been held. “No amount … Continue reading Galentine’s Party Lasts Whole 20 Minutes Before It’s Just Women Spiraling About Singledom

Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

The Super Bowl presents a unique temptation to break the Sabbath. After years of watching faithful young adults wander down the path of destruction, Bishop Belnap of the Provo 675th ward knew that something had to be done.  “Clearly, the temptation of watching the Super Bowl on the Sabbath is just too much for them to handle,” Bishop Belnap says. “I felt inspired to simply … Continue reading Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

FSY Album Snubbed At 2024 Grammy Awards

The 66th Annual Grammy Awards were held tonight in Los Angeles, California. The 2023 For the Strength of Youth Album, I Can Do All Things Through Christ, was anticipated to win big this year, but fans were left disappointed. Album of the year went, for the fourth time, to Taylor Swift for Midnights. “Of course we’re disappointed,” said Nik Day, a seasoned musician who collaborated … Continue reading FSY Album Snubbed At 2024 Grammy Awards

Exposed: Barefoot Cosmo’s OnlyFans income has been subsidizing your tuition for years

A new ethical debate is sweeping across campus this week after leaked financial documents confirm that the Barefoot Cosmo statue in the Wilkinson Center has been subsidizing BYU students’ tuition via online sex work. According to the documents, the statue brings in over $85,000 a month through an OnlyFans account set up in its name. The account features mainly photos of the statue’s human feet, … Continue reading Exposed: Barefoot Cosmo’s OnlyFans income has been subsidizing your tuition for years

Professor Who Bible Swears Kind of Pushing It Today

The Alternate Universe is dedicated to delivering the most accurate news to the people of Provo. So when our informants told us about a section of American Heritage with a waitlist of 127 students, we knew we had to do some investigative journalism. After just a few minutes in the lecture hall, an undercover AU reporter discovered the reason for the section’s popularity: Dr. Patrick … Continue reading Professor Who Bible Swears Kind of Pushing It Today