Category: Featured

Campus, Featured, News

Cosmo Cougar Swings into HFAC on Wrecking Ball

To the average student who knows very little about construction, the HFAC demolishing is weird, done in sections instead of all at once. A particular individual got fed up with the lack of action and was spotted this morning, swinging on a wrecking ball. “Gwwrrroowwwwllll,” sang Cosmo, expressing his distain in BYU’s lack of speed. “Gwwrroowwwwwlll… rawr, rawr!” Nobody knows how Cosmo deviously licked the … Continue reading Cosmo Cougar Swings into HFAC on Wrecking Ball

Renesmee
Campus, Featured, Life, News

LDS Church Releases New AI Tool ‘ChatCTR’

Imagine a world where devotionals are unoriginal, lacking in the Spirit. Where prayers are no longer inspired, they are generated. Where Sunday School lessons and sacrament meeting talks no longer have to be written by a human. We are now living in this world, thanks to the newest AI development: ChatCTR. While sacrament meeting talks used to be an agonizing slog of preparation, with ChatCTR, … Continue reading LDS Church Releases New AI Tool ‘ChatCTR’

Kayteigh Leigh
Campus, Featured

“Cocaine Cougar” Sells Out Varsity Theater Second Night in a Row

The G-Rated, LDS version of the highly anticipated “Cocaine Bear” introduces a cautionary tale about choosing the right. All in moderation. Amongst few, unemployed LDS historians, a hot debate takes place on the origins of The First Vision. Those like David Deserat believe the dark power that overwhelmed Joseph Smith seconds before the first vision was none other than a wild cougar, dressed in the … Continue reading “Cocaine Cougar” Sells Out Varsity Theater Second Night in a Row

Sue Sylvester
Campus, Featured, Life, News, Provo

Newly Discovered Joseph Smith Prophecy Accurately Predicts Entire MCU

In Doctrine and Covenants section 87, Joseph Smith accurately predicted the coming Civil War, 30 years before it began. This was not enough to convince his doubters of his prophetic calling. Well, let’s see them try to explain this. While demolishing the HFAC, construction worker Tim Devon discovered a box underneath a granite slab. In the box was discovered a 50 page prophecy, accurately and … Continue reading Newly Discovered Joseph Smith Prophecy Accurately Predicts Entire MCU

Macho Man Randy Savage
Featured, Life, News

Amidst Inflation Crisis, Finger of the Lord Turns Stones to Eggs

It’s no secret that America is facing a heartbreaking egg shortage right now. Stores are buckling under the pressure of trying to sell eggs they don’t have. Roommates grapple with contention as eggs are stolen from their prized cartons. Vegetarians waste away, unable to consume their singular source of protein. Anguished by these events, a faithful son of God by the name of The Brother … Continue reading Amidst Inflation Crisis, Finger of the Lord Turns Stones to Eggs

Kayteigh Leigh