Category: Uncategorized

Featured, General Conference, Uncategorized

Church Offers New Internships for Prospective Apostles

Often times when an AP returns home from their mission, they feel helpless and without purpose. Without other people to boss around all-day, these fallen brothers tend to resort to summer sales or other business internships to scratch that itch. In a recent turn of events, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has provided a way out for these lost souls. Starting this … Continue reading Church Offers New Internships for Prospective Apostles

Bobby Zimmeruski
Featured, News, Uncategorized

Church Audits Students Who Don’t Pay Tithing

Through our very intense journalism efforts, The Alternate Universe discovered a surprising secret last week: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints audits BYU students who do not pay their tithing. After uncovering this secret The Alternate Universe conducted a thorough series of interviews to get to the bottom of it. Lehi Turner, head Church accountant, told us, “We just want to make sure … Continue reading Church Audits Students Who Don’t Pay Tithing

Sister Michael
Featured, Life, News, Uncategorized

Church Leaders Finally Define “Passionate Kissing”

In the For Strength of Youth pamphlet, the church directs: “before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing”. For years, this counsel has left righteous Latter-Day Saint youths and young adults scratching their heads- what qualifies as “passionate kissing”? This morning, the First Presidency released a statement clarifying the Lord’s stance on kissing before marriage. It marked the first official instruction regarding chastity within the … Continue reading Church Leaders Finally Define “Passionate Kissing”

Lisa Simpson
Uncategorized

BYU Fires Bridge Troll After Y Lit in Trans Flag Colors

Last Saturday evening, despite BYU’s new (and not at all homophobic) protest policies, a group of parents and allies lit up the Y in the colors of the transgender pride flag to show support for LGBTQ+ students. The following week, BYU announced that it was firing Chemish, the Bridge Troll guarding the mountain. “I’m not supposed to comment on ‘gay issues’ but one can say … Continue reading BYU Fires Bridge Troll After Y Lit in Trans Flag Colors

Sister Michael