Tag: Campus

Campus, Featured, News

Student Filibusters Class with Record-Breaking 50-minute Opening Prayer

Filled with righteous indignation and overcome by the spirit of the Lord, Carrie Brooker said the longest opening prayer ever recorded on BYU campus, leaving no time for class. “If Cory Booker can do it for 25 hours, surely I can make a stand for my fellow students,” Brooker stated. The astounding 50-minute prayer included the phrase “we’re thankful for this day” at least ten … Continue reading Student Filibusters Class with Record-Breaking 50-minute Opening Prayer

Swedish Chef
Campus, Featured, News

Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

The CougarEat was thrown into chaos last week when religious studies major Gordon Jacobsen unexpectedly began flipping tables and attempting to “cast out” the employees of Chick-Fil-A and other establishments. “To defile the Lord’s campus in such a way is nothing short of an affront to God,” said Jacobsen. “Jesus overthrew the seats of those who overcharge for doves in Matthew 21:12. Those who overcharge … Continue reading Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

Basil Fawlty
Campus, Featured, Life, Provo

Police Beat: Feb. 28-March 7

BYU: Theft Feb. 25 — A student’s innocence was reported stolen after attending an introductory biology class. Feb. 27 — The cryogenically frozen body of Wilford Woodruff was stolen from the Testing Center. Vandalism March 3 — Lipstick marks were found covering the Chief Massasoit statue. Suspicious Feb. 26 — A food science major was seen entering the Cannon Center. Animal problem March 2 — A report … Continue reading Police Beat: Feb. 28-March 7

Basil Fawlty
Campus

Entire Campus Gets Duped By Mother Nature

After a week of 60-degree sunshine, Provo residents believed that winter was over and they could discard their gloves and long underwear and start playing spikeball again. Unfortunately, on Monday, Mother Nature struck with a frozen vengeance, confusing everyone. “This sucks,” says sophomore Jaxun Jackson. “I wore a t-shirt and shorts today and bam! It’s snowing. I mean, I probably would have worn that outfit … Continue reading Entire Campus Gets Duped By Mother Nature

Kit Kittredge
Campus, Featured

BYU Announces New Arts Building is Designed by AI

In a controversial announcement, BYU has announced that the long-awaited replacement for the Harris Fine Arts Center was designed by a generative AI model, a first in the field of architecture. “The new Aarts Billdng represents our campus’s greatest step forward in architecture since the JKB,” a BYU spokesman said. In front of the building, a statue of former BYU President Franklin S. Harris beckons … Continue reading BYU Announces New Arts Building is Designed by AI

Basil Fawlty