Tag: Featured

News

BREAKING: BYU to Fire Chimpanzees, Hire Actual Programmers to Develop Learning Suite and BYU Store Website

According to an internal memo from BYU’s administration (acquired by the Alternate Universe’s Advanced Intelligence Division), it appears that BYU will hire actual programmers to continue development on Learning Suite and the BYU store website. Previously, in an effort to cut costs, BYU web development was managed by a team of chimpanzees given intelligence enhancing drugs by the BYU biology department. The experiment proved a … Continue reading BREAKING: BYU to Fire Chimpanzees, Hire Actual Programmers to Develop Learning Suite and BYU Store Website

James West1 Comment
Campus

BYU Store Mannequin Announces Campaign for BYUSA Presidency

BYU Store Mannequin “Manny” announced his bid for the highly esteemed BYUSA president position earlier this morning in a surprise campus press conference. The 7 students following this election closely are already calling Manny the “dark-horse candidate” of the race on account of his super fun personality and carefully selected campaign phrases. “Up to this point I was really feeling inspired by the words ’embrace … Continue reading BYU Store Mannequin Announces Campaign for BYUSA Presidency

Warren Dusenberry
Life

Long Lost Son Found after Fifteen Years in Provo Drainage Gutters

Friday morning was a scene of elation at the Carter household. Chris Carter, the family’s oldest son, was found alive, deep in the recesses of the Provo gutters, after his disappearance in Spring 2005. Chris was found by recreational spelunkers rappelling into the gutters early Friday morning. “We go diving in the gutters like at least once a month. They’re the deepest caves in Utah,” … Continue reading Long Lost Son Found after Fifteen Years in Provo Drainage Gutters

Hugh Wei2 Comments
Campus

BREAKING: Nick Cage Stages HBLL Flooding, Steals First Edition Book of Mormon Print

Over the weekend, disaster struck Brigham Young University’s beloved Harold B. Lee Library: in a daring feat of craftiness and zeal, world renowned actor Nick Cage managed to steal the university’s first edition print of the Book of Mormon. The flooding on the building’s lower levels originally seemed innocuous enough, but employees quickly found there was more than water damage to address. “During the cleanup … Continue reading BREAKING: Nick Cage Stages HBLL Flooding, Steals First Edition Book of Mormon Print

Johnny Swift
News

Pope Loses Wager With President Nelson Over Gonzaga Game, Wears BYU Jersey to Work

His Holiness Pope Francis made a splash on Monday morning wearing a BYU basketball jersey while attending to his duties in the Vatican. This was the result of a friendly wager between His Holiness and President Russell Nelson of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “It’s been tradition for a number of years now.” said Pope Francis “Whenever the Zags play BYU Russ … Continue reading Pope Loses Wager With President Nelson Over Gonzaga Game, Wears BYU Jersey to Work

Donald Cherry1 Comment