Tag: Featured

Campus, Featured, Life, Provo

Shocking! Gym Bro Disappointed When Thigh-Revealing Shorts Don’t Attract a Girlfriend.

Chad accepts the hard fact that girls don’t actually want to see him in 5” shorts.  As spring has sprung, the occurrences of men in short shorts have multiplied exponentially. Focused on showing off their gains from their “winter arcs,” gym bros across the Provo area have opted for shorter styles.  However, this new style hasn’t gotten the results that Chad, a local Vasa bro, … Continue reading Shocking! Gym Bro Disappointed When Thigh-Revealing Shorts Don’t Attract a Girlfriend.

Swedish Chef
Campus, Featured

Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

The poll of 34,737 BYU adults found that 100% do not want to take your survey. As the end of the semester approaches, distraught students have shared their thoughts on the matter. “I don’t understand why no one will take my psychometrics survey,” Steven Shnarvey stated perplexedly. “It’s only 180 questions and will literally take 2 minutes!!” While some students struggle with the quantity of … Continue reading Survey Says: No One Wants To Take Your Survey

Kim Possible2 Comments
Campus, Featured, News

BYU Implements New ‘COUG’ Agency to Reduce Spending

BYU’s new COUG Agency (also known as the ‘Cutting Out Useless Garbage’ Agency) has an initiative aimed at reducing the completely unnecessary and stupid things wasting BYU’s budget. Here are the top 4 cuts that you need to know about. Defunding the BYU Department of Education BYU will be cutting funding to their entire Department of Education, as professors may be more motivated to teach … Continue reading BYU Implements New ‘COUG’ Agency to Reduce Spending

Milo Aukerman
Featured, General Conference

A Silent Exchange Between the General Conference Organists

It was but a touch. A brush, really. And yet, it was everything. As the organ duo performed at a session of General Conference earlier today, they suddenly found themselves in unfamiliar territory. Until that fateful moment, their job had been simple: play the organ. Caress that console and create the sweet melodies that would be heard by millions around the world. They were good … Continue reading A Silent Exchange Between the General Conference Organists

Don Cheadle