Tag: Featured

Campus, Featured, Uncategorized

BYU’s Vocal Point Disbands Due to Mandatory Military Service

As news broke that the members of the boy-band BTS had been called to serve in their country’s military, millions of quirky white girls were devastated. You can only imagine the outrage when they heard that 69-time Grammy Winning Group, BYU Vocal Point, was the next to fall. “I ripped down the American flag hanging outside my parents’ third house,” Renzie Wood snapchatted The Alternate … Continue reading BYU’s Vocal Point Disbands Due to Mandatory Military Service

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured

Midnight Madness Moved to 9pm Because “The Holy Ghost Goes to Bed at Midnight”

Instagram quote: “BYU……BYU…it’s for us…..for U. BYlovesU” – Cougarette slam poetry performance Midnight Madness is a staple of BYU’s Homecoming Week. For years, this famous event has been held around midnight, hence the name. However, after a petition from students that refused to attend the event because “it’s held past the Holy Ghost’s bedtime”, it was decided Midnight Madness would be held at 9pm this … Continue reading Midnight Madness Moved to 9pm Because “The Holy Ghost Goes to Bed at Midnight”

Cody Maverick
Life, Provo

How to be Straight-Passing at BYU

Let’s be honest, BYU kind of sucks. Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to fit in. Remember, overcompensating is what we’re going for. For males: Drive a Ford F-150. Make sure it has blinding LED headlights, and tailgate whenever possible Never use your turn signal Get a buzz cut Invest in NFTs Whiten your teeth Make football your entire personality Wear those weird rectangular sunglasses … Continue reading How to be Straight-Passing at BYU

Renesmee
Featured, Uncategorized

Alert: The Daily Universe is Just a Scam and Parody: DO NOT READ

It has recently come to the attention of The Alternate Universe that there is another “so-called” student-run news source at BYU. They call themselves The Daily Universe and are clearly a rip-off and scam of our very excellent and high quality newspaper. “We are obviously the original and more-trustworthy newspaper. Just look at how many more followers we have than The Daily Universe” pointed out … Continue reading Alert: The Daily Universe is Just a Scam and Parody: DO NOT READ

Sister Michael
Campus, Featured

Tensions Rise at BYU Apartment as Misinformed Roommate Incorrectly “Soaked” the Dishes

“Come on bro, I was just doing what my roommate told me to do.” This was the phrase used by BYU Bro Ted Fulmer in his defense against his livid roommates this past weekend. According to Ted, he was only following instructions. Following the herd one would say. But for his roommates, Ted absolutely crossed the line. What did Ted do to cause such a … Continue reading Tensions Rise at BYU Apartment as Misinformed Roommate Incorrectly “Soaked” the Dishes

Bobby Zimmeruski