As we kick off 2026, your FHE crush is still completely unaware that you were an Assistant to the President on your mission, but never fear! Try these 6 tips to win her heart without losing the aloof persona you’ve spent all semester crafting. Consistently bring up how much time you spent in the office: This can be done as you do your marketing homework … Continue reading Self Help: How To Discreetly Tell Her That You Were AP
The District is known for its entertaining depiction of missionary training videos. The show claims to be a fully real documentary of missionaries in the California San Diego Mission working with investigators. We at the Alternate Universe were curious about what happened to these investigators and decided to reach out. Viewers remember Jynx for her shock at learning of the Word of Wisdom (“NO COFFEE?”) … Continue reading The District: Where Are They Now?
This summer, many BYU students have hit the streets hoping to score gold and sell pest control to people who have no need for it. However, finding people who will fall for the scam is difficult. Most people will readily reject anyone selling preposterous pesticides. However, summer salesmen in Modesto, California have found a way to increase their door-knocking success: tailing the missionaries. An average … Continue reading Summer Salespeople Using Missionaries As Tool to Find Receptive Neighbors
After four long months of effort, Sister Ramona Jenkins has finally memorized the Old Testament of her KJV Bible. Missionaries have been forced to spend the majority of their time in their apartments since March and many have used the extra time to do family history work or call members and investigators. Sister Jenkins decided to use the time to commit the entirety of the … Continue reading Quarantined Missionary Finally Memorizes the Entire Old Testament
Missionaries have been returning from all over the world, catching the attention of over 68% of the single BYU females, who have begun actively updating their Pinterest wedding boards. “I had a three-year plan for BYU that included waiting for my missionary,” said Hayeleigh Holland. “Now that my boyfriend, Raustin, has been released, I need to speed up my plans so we can get married … Continue reading Provo Girls Prepare Their Parents for Upcoming Weddings With All Missionaries Returning Home Early
