Tag: News

Featured, Life, News

PSA: There’s No Sexism at BYU Because Sex Isn’t Allowed

Amidst regular reports that women at BYU are facing discrimination from peers and professors on the basis of sex, administration has posited that that couldn’t possibly be true since sex is strictly forbidden. The announcement ended with the following statement: “We literally have a whole part of a building named after a woman and surveys show that almost 2% percent of students have heard of … Continue reading PSA: There’s No Sexism at BYU Because Sex Isn’t Allowed

Don Cheadle
Campus, News

BREAKING: To Prevent Priestcraft, CES Mandates Boring Religion Classes

Priestcraft, or the practice of preaching for the sake of a following rather than for the religious message, has become an issue for professors at religious universities. In a recent policy change issued by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ Church Education System (CES), all future religion classes taught across church universities must be “really, really boring” to prevent concerns. “We love all … Continue reading BREAKING: To Prevent Priestcraft, CES Mandates Boring Religion Classes

Chuck Bartowski
Featured, News, Provo

Creamery Announces New MiLK Chocolate & Vanilla Dream Flavor, Ends Racism

While racism on BYU campus itself has never been an issue, the Creamery has taken it upon itself to eradicate the very concept entirely, finally fulfilling the 63-year-old dream of Martin Luther King Jr. “The seamless blend of colors on a gradient from black to white is a lactic representation of the flawless integration we have here on our campus. This ice cream is our … Continue reading Creamery Announces New MiLK Chocolate & Vanilla Dream Flavor, Ends Racism

Don Cheadle
Campus, Featured, News

Disappointing: ASB Demolition Yields No Treasure Despite Suspiciously Treasure-Shaped Design

After his third glass of apple juice one evening, President Reese had an ingenious realization: why would the ASB be shaped like an X if there was no buried treasure under it waiting to be unearthed? Well, several months and a demolition later, that question is left unanswered. “I had just let him stay up to watch Pirates of the Caribbean so I should have … Continue reading Disappointing: ASB Demolition Yields No Treasure Despite Suspiciously Treasure-Shaped Design

Don Cheadle
Uncategorized

REPORT: People Care More About MoTab Mustache Guy Than Our Actual Prophet

According to recent polls among BYU students, people feel more inspired by this Ron Swanson knockoff than by the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. While conference has generated a significant amount of buzz related to our new prophet and first presidency, this guy continues to overpower all old-man-related gossip.  Whispers generated from the grapevine reveal that this guy is immortal and will … Continue reading REPORT: People Care More About MoTab Mustache Guy Than Our Actual Prophet

Kim Possible