After his third glass of apple juice one evening, President Reese had an ingenious realization: why would the ASB be shaped like an X if there was no buried treasure under it waiting to be unearthed? Well, several months and a demolition later, that question is left unanswered.

“I had just let him stay up to watch Pirates of the Caribbean so I should have seen it coming,” said supportive wife Wendy Reese. “He was just so excited about it that I couldn’t bring myself to stop him.”

After the bulk of the demolition was carried out, President Reese jumped into the foundation with a shovel in an attempt to unearth the treasure himself.

“I was so sure of it. What did I miss? What other reason could there have possibly been?” Reese was overheard muttering to himself after emerging from the treasureless pit.

However, the following exchange was recorded by Alternate Universe sleeper scribes as the building’s construction was nearing completion in 1961:

ERNEST L. WILKINSON: Hey man, you remembered to put the treasure under it, right?

CONSTRUCTION WORKER WITH TREASURE-SHAPED POCKETS: Yeah.