Local racists have been worried about having to choose between the official Super Bowl halftime show with Bad Bunny, who isn’t white, and Turning Point USA’s alternate show featuring Kid Rock, who writes music that isn’t good. Luckily, BYUSA partnered with Vocal Point to present a third option.

“We encourage all students to observe the Sabbath by avoiding unholy music and instead getting hyped for the second half with ‘Nearer, My God, to Thee,’” BYUSA announced.

Needless to say, the white folk would love nothing more.

“I’m so glad someone stepped up,” said avid racist Wyatt Whiteman. “Obviously I wasn’t gonna watch the Super Woke halftime show, but Kid Rock? Like is that legitimately the best they could do??”

However, one student has other, more selfless plans.

“I am racist but I’ll still be watching Bad Bunny,” said RM Bryson Dyson. “I see now that God called me to Argentina so I could translate these lyrics for my friends.”