After a security officer in the Harold B. Lee Library reported seeing a student enter the library with an object in his mouth that appeared to be a blunt, BYU police made contact with the suspect and questioned him. The perceived blunt turned out to be just a cinnamon stick, but BYU police felt that it was in the student body’s best interest to detain … Continue reading BYU Cinnamon Stick Dealer Sentenced to Life in Prison
Robert Irwin has recently started meeting with the missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints after interacting with many members of the church during his run on Dancing with the Stars. Stars Whitney Leavitt and Jen Affleck, from the show Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, began sharing the gospel with Irwin since the show began. “We could just see that he … Continue reading Robert Irwin Taking Missionary Lessons after Referral from Mormon Wives on DWTS
Several contestants in Brigham Young University’s first annual “Performative Male” competition have been referred to the Honor Code Office after fellow students felt uncomfortable with their being “so horny.” The event, hosted in Kiwanis Park, was organized by the BYU Men’s Studies Club. Performative males are known for performing for the female gaze, engaging in such activities as drinking traditionally female drinks like matcha, and … Continue reading Participants in Provo “Performative Male” Contest Flagged by Honor Code Office for Promiscuity
The latest rendition of the Holy War, described by witnesses as “65% football, 35% miracle,” ended with Brigham Young University triumphing over the University of Utah this weekend, in what religious scholars and diehard fans are calling an “unmistakable act of divine intervention.” BYU running back LJ Martin credited the 24-21 victory to “a ton of grit, faith, and a few desperate sideline prayers.” He … Continue reading BYU Wins Game By Divine Intervention, Satan Congratulates Utah on “Valiant Effort”
Bear and Tiger Bachmeier have made waves on the BYU football team this year, with Bear being the first true freshman quarterback in the team’s history. However, in a recent revelation that has rocked fans across the state, sources can now confirm that Bear and Tiger Bachmeier, BYU’s apex predators of the gridiron, have another brother: Cougar Bachmeier, a UVU senior studying accounting. According to … Continue reading BREAKING: Third Bachmeier Brother Revealed to be UVU Student
