Category: Featured

Featured, News

First Presidency Investigation Concludes There is No ‘Sealed Portion’ of the Book of Mormon

In an unexpected development, the First Presidency has released a statement saying that the sealed portion of the Book of Mormon doesn’t actually exist, contradicting several of Moroni’s writings. “It’s sitting on my desk right now to review,” wrote Moroni in the book of Ether. However, the First Presidency has seemingly contradicted Moroni’s claim, going so far as to release Official Declaration 3 to explain … Continue reading First Presidency Investigation Concludes There is No ‘Sealed Portion’ of the Book of Mormon

Don Cheadle
Campus, Featured, Provo

Provo Rancherito’s Receives Michelin Star

Although each of Utah’s cities would like to dispute this fact, we know that the best food in Utah is made in Provo. The best food in Provo is made on Cougar Boulevard, and the best food on Cougar Boulevard, some say, is made at Rancherito’s. The beloved Mexican restaurant received a surprise visit from finance major and formidable Yelp critic, Antjuan Igo. It was … Continue reading Provo Rancherito’s Receives Michelin Star

Marceline Abadeer
Featured, Sports

We’re Saved! Boy Who Throws Ball Real Good Agrees to Come to BYU for $1 Billion

Fortune has smiled upon the Lord’s University once again. Ryker Tygers, one of the nation’s top players, has graciously offered his services to the Cougs for a small remittance of one billion dollars. Just when things were starting to look bleak at the Y, the university is thrilled to be one step closer to being better than everyone else.   BYU Athletics expressed their excitement: … Continue reading We’re Saved! Boy Who Throws Ball Real Good Agrees to Come to BYU for $1 Billion

Marceline Abadeer
Campus, Featured

FSY Kid Seriously Considers Polygamy After Ending Week with Multiple COWS

At the tender age of 14, Jayden faced grave temptation after ending his camp experience with not one, but seven crushes of the week. “I’m trying not to lust after the desires of my heart, but it’s so hard–all these girls are so desirable. My prepubescent brain is so conflicted,” stated Jayden Miller, who is the proud owner of exactly three chest hairs. Throughout the … Continue reading FSY Kid Seriously Considers Polygamy After Ending Week with Multiple COWS

Kim Possible
Featured, Life, News

BYU Store Unveils Partnership with “Spirit Rings”

In an effort to promote greater health and worthiness among the local student body, the BYU Store has announced a new product available: Spirit Rings. These will provide students with valuable information about their heart rate, sleep patterns, and testimony strength, among other statistics.  Spirit Rings CEO, John Aura, said that the rings offer more in depth information than just a few health stats.  “These … Continue reading BYU Store Unveils Partnership with “Spirit Rings”

Paul Hollywood