Category: General Conference

Featured, General Conference

Elder Rasband Seen Writing Entire Conference Talk Last Minute

Having seemingly procrastinated until the day before General Conference weekend, a panicked Elder Ronald A. Rasband has been spotted trying to crank out his entire talk in one night. “general conferenfce talk ~20 mintues make it sounds like not ai pls thansk,” Rasband was seen typing into ChatGPT around 6:00 on Friday night. Every General Conference speaker is expected to submit a copy of their … Continue reading Elder Rasband Seen Writing Entire Conference Talk Last Minute

Don Cheadle
conference, Featured, General Conference

Heinous Criminal Redistributes Conference Broadcast, Struck Down

Local man Jordan P. Jensen is in critical condition after redistributing segments of this weekend’s LDS General Conference broadcast without written consent — an act which, according to ancient legal scrolls, shattered a sacred copyright seal and summoned the long dormant fury of Bonneville Distribution. The broadcast, which begins with the famous warning, “This broadcast is furnished as a public service by Bonneville Distribution. Any … Continue reading Heinous Criminal Redistributes Conference Broadcast, Struck Down

Marceline Abadeer1 Comment
Featured, General Conference

A Silent Exchange Between the General Conference Organists

It was but a touch. A brush, really. And yet, it was everything. As the organ duo performed at a session of General Conference earlier today, they suddenly found themselves in unfamiliar territory. Until that fateful moment, their job had been simple: play the organ. Caress that console and create the sweet melodies that would be heard by millions around the world. They were good … Continue reading A Silent Exchange Between the General Conference Organists

Don Cheadle
Featured, General Conference

New Sins You Missed at General Conference

General Conference weekend is a great learning opportunity, but you can’t be expected to catch everything. Luckily, while you were passed out on the couch, we were taking note of every action that no longer aligns with Church standards. Eating Tomatoes We were all expecting this one, but it’s still worth mentioning–tomatoes are officially of the devil. Nothing we can do about it. Using a … Continue reading New Sins You Missed at General Conference

Don Cheadle