Category: News

Featured, News, Sports

BYU Wins Game By Divine Intervention, Satan Congratulates Utah on “Valiant Effort”

The latest rendition of the Holy War, described by witnesses as “65% football, 35% miracle,” ended with Brigham Young University triumphing over the University of Utah this weekend, in what religious scholars and diehard fans are calling an “unmistakable act of divine intervention.” BYU running back LJ Martin credited the 24-21 victory to “a ton of grit, faith, and a few desperate sideline prayers.” He … Continue reading BYU Wins Game By Divine Intervention, Satan Congratulates Utah on “Valiant Effort”

Kit Kittredge
Featured, News, Sports

BREAKING: Third Bachmeier Brother Revealed to be UVU Student

Bear and Tiger Bachmeier have made waves on the BYU football team this year, with Bear being the first true freshman quarterback in the team’s history. However, in a recent revelation that has rocked fans across the state, sources can now confirm that Bear and Tiger Bachmeier, BYU’s apex predators of the gridiron, have another brother: Cougar Bachmeier, a UVU senior studying accounting. According to … Continue reading BREAKING: Third Bachmeier Brother Revealed to be UVU Student

Kit Kittredge
Featured, News, Provo

Updates to the BYU Honor Code Prevent Students from Using Hats to Cover Up Male-pattern Baldness

University leaders re-emphasize the importance of honesty in all things with the new dress and grooming standard.   Many students were shocked when the Brigham Young University Honor Code Office issued a statement that they would no longer allow hats on BYU campus. While hats have allowed men with male-pattern baldness to hide their receding hairlines since the university’s founding, the Honor Code Office has … Continue reading Updates to the BYU Honor Code Prevent Students from Using Hats to Cover Up Male-pattern Baldness

Swedish Chef
Disney, Featured, News

You Can Go to Disneyland for Free to Celebrate President Nelson’s Birthday!

This is so freaking awesome! I’m so excited to go to Disneyland!! Holy freaking cow!!! Just pull up to the pearly gates of Disneyland during P-Nelly’s birthday month and whisper the secret code BDAYBOY101 to the attendant, and you’ll receive free entry for the day! “Can you believe this!? Freaking Disneyland, baby!!” commented Elder Uchtdorf when asked how the cost would be covered. So what … Continue reading You Can Go to Disneyland for Free to Celebrate President Nelson’s Birthday!

Don Cheadle
Featured, Life, News

YSA Conference Speed Dating Responsible for Over 100 Engagements last Weekend

The “Together in Christ” conference formed couples who will be together for eternity.   Over the weekend, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints held the Utah Area Young Single Adult conference with the theme “Together in Christ.” The three-day event included spiritual growth classes, a live concert, and other games and events. Many young adults who attended the conference are hoping not just … Continue reading YSA Conference Speed Dating Responsible for Over 100 Engagements last Weekend

Swedish Chef