Tag: BYUSA

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Vocal Point, BYUSA to Host Alternate Alternate Halftime Show for People Who Are Racist but Don’t Want to Watch Kid Rock

Local racists have been worried about having to choose between the official Super Bowl halftime show with Bad Bunny, who isn’t white, and Turning Point USA’s alternate show featuring Kid Rock, who writes music that isn’t good. Luckily, BYUSA partnered with Vocal Point to present a third option. “We encourage all students to observe the Sabbath by avoiding unholy music and instead getting hyped for … Continue reading Vocal Point, BYUSA to Host Alternate Alternate Halftime Show for People Who Are Racist but Don’t Want to Watch Kid Rock

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Featured, Uncategorized

New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

In an effort to preserve BYU greatness, our new BYUSA president has swiftly enacted a comprehensive list of executive decisions to take effect immediately. Take a look: Reducing the radical cost of vending machine sandwiches The chicken bacon ranch ciabatta will now cost only 50 cents Securing the border between UVU and BYU campus The border will be strengthened to prevent the flow of progressive … Continue reading New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

Kim Possible
Campus

‘Where Have All My Subjects Gone?’ Crys BYUSA President, Anxiously Gazing From Atop Kimball Tower Throne

At the conclusion of her elaborate coronation ceremony atop Kimball Tower, BYUSA president Sarah Hughford looked out over campus and was distressed to find not a single one of her subjects below. Sources close to the royal family confirm that President Hughford has exploded into a fit of rage. “What is this insolence? How dare they disrespect the crown!” President Hughford cried out to her … Continue reading ‘Where Have All My Subjects Gone?’ Crys BYUSA President, Anxiously Gazing From Atop Kimball Tower Throne

Warren Dusenberry
Campus

“It’s a Good Thing There’s No Racism at BYU,” Says White Midwestern Student

Recent coverage of police brutality towards black Americans across the nation have left much of the public shocked and outraged. With such perturbing acts of violence­ happening to such a significant portion of the population, some young people are trying to keep their idealism intact by looking to the bright side. “Police brutality is an awful thing,” said Owen McKay, a BYU student from the … Continue reading “It’s a Good Thing There’s No Racism at BYU,” Says White Midwestern Student

Johnny Swift